Nonsense Stories, Uncategorized

Cow Vehicle

No offense Russians…

“Ahh! I’m hit Larrieh! I’m going downnnnnnn!!” Larrieh looked out his window to see his friend Jeiber plummeting to the barren desert below. There was a huge explosion as Jeiber’s F-16 crumpled into a ball of metal, taking Jeiber’s life with it. Larrieh didn’t even feel sorry for Jeiber. Jeiber had been so annoying during their training that Larrieh had almost wished that would happen to him. Larrieh had lost fifty-three packages of gummy worm boxes thanks to the late Jeiber. Larrieh grinned and resumed his dogfight with the enemy fighter jets, some insane Russians that had wanted to colonize the moon with mutated cows that could morph into frogs. That’s why Larrieh’s squadron of jets had been sent out, to stop the Russian spacecraft, named the “Корова автомобиля”, or “Cow Vehicle” in English. Larrieh aimed his machine gun at the Russian “Fighter Jet”, which was really a Cessna 182, with a max speed of 172 mph, and pressed the trigger. A second later, the Cessna exploded, and red liquid and small chunks of something splattered Larrieh’s window. At least the Cessna had a good paint job. Larrieh gunned down the other Cessna and turned around to face the launch pad of the Корова автомобиля. It was starting to rise up into the air, and the shock waves of the enormous force used to lift the rocket was causing Larrieh’s fighter jet to wobble in the air. Larrieh had to shoot his laser cannon’s into the space ship to stop it from populating the moon with mutated cows! Then the Russians would be unstoppable. Larrieh had to keep away from the ship or else he would crash into the shock waves and the plane would plummet to its death just like Jeiber. It was actually surprising  that the Russians could hook up their “advanced” weaponry to the Cessna, which was a BB Gun. The BB’s would just bounce off of the metal armor of the F-16, but when shot into the engine, the plane would go out of control. That’s what happened to Jeiber. Exactly. Larrieh veered away from the Корова автомобиля and then fired a single laser cannon toward the Корова автомобиля. It missed by just a hair, melting some of the metal on the ship, making the KOP of Корова автомобиля disintegrate. Larrieh switched to his plasma gun, and almost crashed into the Корова автомобиля! The shock-wave turned the F-16 upside-down, and Larrieh fought to keep under control! Still upside-down, Larrieh zoomed under the Корова автомобиля and faced up, right under the engine of the Корова автомобиля. The power of the single engine kept Larrieh from crashing into the airplane. Larrieh aimed with his computerized aiming system, but then, Larrieh’s father’s voice echoed in his head. “Use your hands, my son,” Larrieh nodded in agreement, and turned off the aiming device, and fired. Just like that, the plasma cannon shot into the engine of the Корова автомобиля. Larrieh veered away, avoided the fatal blast that could have killed him. Larrieh had did it! Larrieh’s squadron radioed in, congratulating Larrieh. Suddenly, something heavy landed on the F-16’s nose. It was a piece of a cow, which looked mightily like a huge steak! Larrieh carefully maneuvered to keep the steak on the nose of the jet, and landed on the aircraft carrier. He enjoyed the Russian Frog steak and lived happily ever after.

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Inky Bum

Inky Bum was a homey-cat from the streets. Literally. She lived on the streets like a bum, and wore clothes like one too. Literally. She lived on the streets like a bum, and wore clothes like one too. Every day, Inky Bum would wake up from her bed on the rooftop of a McDonald’s fast food restaurant, and before it opened, she would sneak down its chimney like exhaust pipe for the deep fryer, and steal a huge great big bucket of still warm fries, and couple of strawberry milk shakes, and ten Fillet O’ Fishes, because Inky Bum’s actually a cat. Not even the security cameras would notice a small black Bum of a cat sneaking around stealing food. After that, Inky Bum would walk out the front door, triggering an alarm. Inky would sprint away, probably into a empty house, and eat her fill, feeding the rest of the fries and Fish Fillet’s to her bird friends, Bob and Joe, enormous pigeons that played as extras in West Side Story. After Bob and Joe had finished eating Inky’s leftovers, they would walk/fly over to Burger King for lunch. It was still five in the morning, so none of the stores were open. Inky would have Bob and Joe grab her, and fly her up to the roof of burger king, and Inky would shimmy down the fryer exhaust pipe, steal a bunch of two layer burgers, more fries, and some extra stuff for Bob and Joe. Then she would walk out the front door, and Bob and Joe would fly Inky Bum away. After they had finished eating, Bob and Joe would fly Inky to Rally’s, famous for their awesome french fries. Inky would steal three buckets of fries, walk out the front door, and Bob and Joe would fly her away. At the end of the day, they were full like a water balloon. Bob and Joe would fly away to their shack outside a meat packing building, and Inky would finish off the rest of her french fries, leaving some for a midnight snack.

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The Great Fight

Its Ramadan. Every Saturday, we (me and my family) go to the local masjid, to break our fast, and to eat dinner and pray Magrib. After dinner, my two brothers and I walk over to the musaluh, so we can fight the “Duh duh heads” I call them. There are four boys, which names all start with an ‘A’. Their names are:

Adnan (The soccer dude who teams up with Audil, the chum-bucket)

Arif (The sometimes-peaceful-crazy-lunatic)

Afif (The phone crazy duh duh head)

Audil (The chum-bucket)

Crazy? But they are all brothers! Adnan is Afif’s brother, and Arif is Audil’s brother. Sometimes, we play dodge-ball with them. There is another family with three boys that usually come over, and they are super-fair, but I don’t know why they don’t come, since its way more fun to play dodge-ball with them. Last time I went to the masjid, they beat me up, and broke the frame of my glasses, and I had to get new ones. I had to beat them up badly, so I could get revenge for them breaking my glasses, but I have to wait until every Saturday, because that’s when the masjid has Iftar. On Eid, they give out toys or games to the kids, but the older kids get gift-cards. I hope I get a gift-card or like three-hundred dollars. I need the money to save up for my quad-copter! Well, I really hope I get revenge. I’ll probably smash their heads in, enough to make them stay away from me. Just joking!