Inky Brute

We have two cats. Inky Brute, and Sasha Wee. (I add little nicknames to their names). Inky is the Brute of the cats. If you tickle her belly, she will get angry like hulk and start biting and scratching your flesh without stopping. I have accumulated many scars thanks to the Brute. The cat also has the nerve to jump up on our fish aquarium (with live fish) and stand on top of the lights and the filter. But luckily she can’t open the feeding door, or else the fish would’ve disappeared weeks ago. If you get Inky Brute mad enough, she’ll start chasing you around the house really fast. If your not fast enough, the Brute will bite your heels, inflicting wound after wound until you raise your red flag. Inky also used to climb our parakeet cage (with two parakeets inside) and hang their until I got her down. This usually happened in the morning, when the annoying birds were singing their loudest. I couldn’t blame Inky Brute if she was tired of those birds too. And then we have Sasha wee, our first cat. We actually got two cats from the Animal Shelter, Waffle, and Sasha, but Waffle either ran away or got attacked by a nasty racoon. Even though Sasha is huge and furry, she’s actually very kind, except if you pour water on her. Sometimes Sasha Wee and Inky Brute get in fights inside. I sometimes wonder if they’ll get over it and be cat-friends. Sasha is an outside cat. She spends maybe 80% of her day outside, and only comes inside when she’s hungry or its snowing outside. (Sasha hates snow). Inky Brute loves the snow though. She’ll frolic in it like a ballerina, until she gets stuck in a big pile of it or I throw a snowball at her. When I’m doing my math, Inky Brute like to strut up, and plop her tiny kitten body on the page. Other times, she’ll start biting it like a savage! Its very annoying, and my math book is done for if I keep letting Inky mistreat it. At night, Inky turns into a raving monster. She’ll chase you around without you making her mad, and then cuddle up and wait for you to touch her, and then start chasing you again. Sasha doesn’t do it, probably because shes an old brittle boned cat. About four years old in human years. Inky likes to stalk poor old Sasha, and then attack her too. I feel so sorry for Sasha Wee.


Emperor Sasha visits Canada | Winter Edition

Emperor Sasha was back to business. Ever since she had gotten “adopted” by humans in America, Sasha never wanted to go there again. Just thinking about it sent shivers through her spine. Luckily, when Sasha had crash-landed, her butlers and servants had immediately tracked her flying car to the U.S.A, and followed her. They rescued her just as the human was about to feed her cat food, something that was forbidden by the Council of the Cats, a group of potbellied felines that did nothing all day but make rules. Now Sasha was trying to find her way back to Cat Country. But she was headed the wrong direction. Sasha was flying over Canada when suddenly, one of her engines went out. Her escort couldn’t even see as Sasha disappeared into thick, wet, cold cloud. Sasha groaned. A snowy city came into view, Sasha looked at her still-working GPS. It was flashing a light over a city named ‘Toronto” which was supposedly the “biggest city in Canada”. At least that’s was the GPS said. Maybe it was lying. Sasha grudgingly pulled pressed the parachute button, but instead of a parachute, a grand piano appeared! Sasha yelled and screamed as she plummeted to the ground. Seconds from hitting the ground, the cord connecting her to the “parachute” was cut, and Sasha landed in the five foot deep snow.

Sasha sunk about three feet into the snow before she stopped. Sasha crawled back up to the surface, and just then, the grand piano hit the brick road, making a huge explosion sound, and piano keys and strings flew everywhere. Foot traffic moved away from the wreck of piano, and a police officer sped to the piano scene. Then Sasha’s flying car landed right on top of the officer, knocking him out cold, and scaring everyone away from the road. “Aliens are invading!” screamed one homeless person. The crowd gasped, and screamed, running away. Sasha mourned the loss of her beloved flying car. It had served her well. People started calling 911, and screaming “Aliens are invading!” It was a full-scale ruckus. Just then, another flying car dropped out of the sky was smashed a car flat! Meow Meow crawled out of the flying car, covered in water and snow. People screamed and yelled even more, and fled. Meow Meow hobbled over to Sasha, and said, “Well, now we are here stranded for good,” Sasha moaned. Her crown was gone, now she was stranded in Canada? What else wrong could happen? Suddenly, a huge UFO hovered above a crossing bridge, with its blinking lights. Meow Meow and Sasha both gasped in fright, and hobbled away from the road. Sasha looked back, and saw that aliens were crawling out of the Flying Object! It was the rest of her cat gang! Sasha cried in glee, and ran back to the UFO, hugging everyone and padding inside. Meow Meow crawled in, and immediately, the UFO rose in the air, and sped off toward Cat Country.



Emperor Sasha visits America

Emperor Sasha was bored. She had nothing to do, all because M&M had accidentally thrown away her phone, thinking it was a piece of garbage. Sasha jumped out of her throne and into her air-car. She pressed the “NITRO” button and pressed the gas pedal. The car shot forward, and Sasha was pressed into her seat so hard that her ribs almost cracked. The car sped out of Cat Country and into North America. Suddenly, the car jerked and bucked like a wild horse. The gas had ran out! No wonder! It had traveled halfway across the earth. Sasha press the eject button, and the seat sprung into the air. Sasha screamed in excitment and she hurdled toward the ground. She pulled the parachute trigger, and the seat fell off, a parachute taking its place. Out of the clouds, a small neighborhood came into view. She was about to make a hole in a house’s roof! Sasha jumped out of the parachute, which wasn’t working, and landed like a feather of the street. She was hungry, and had no place to go. She was stranded. In the U.S.A. Sasha adjusted her crown on her head, and walked into the nearest house, the one she had almost made a hole in. Luckily, there was a cat door installed in the regular door, or Sasha would have had to kick it down, costing the owners of the house. She walked through the door, and immediately strutted to the kitchen, as if she owned the whole house. In the kitchen, she jumped on top of the counter, and spotted a bowl of raw chicken! All for her. Sasha ran to the bowl, and sniffed. Yuck! It smelled like vinegar. That’s probably what it was soaking in. Sasha opened the fridge, and pulled out her favorite food, cornbread. She smeared butter on it, and chomped down. Mmmmm. Suddenly, the ground shook and an actual human being stomped into the kitchen! Human beings were considered a fatal threat to Felines, and that’s why Sasha had founded a colony in a separate country from them. The human looked at Sasha eating the cornbread, and the butter spilled all over the floor with the fridge door open, and cooed like a dove. It scooped up Sasha, and threw the crown in the trash. Sasha gasped, and tried to grab it, but it was too late. Her crown was gone, all thanks to a human. The human fed her cat food, and she was spoiled like a cat. She lived there the rest of her live.


Emperor Sasha vs. Processed Cat Food

Emperor Sasha a lived through the last story, Emperor Sasha vs. Virtual Reality, but she hadn’t learned her lesson. “Curiosity killed the cat” they say. Sasha had ordered the halt of the production of Virtual Reality game, but even Sasha loved to play them all day. One day, Emperor Sasha had a dream that Hungry Catz, a company that sold cat food, was adding a chemical that made the cat-food grow and steam. Suddenly, a kibble the size of a penny grew to the size of a can of cat food! That had to be illegal, Sasha thought. She woke up, showered, and slipped on her golden robe. Then she jumped into her flying car, which could only lift cats, because they weighted so little, and sped off toward the cat food factory. She parked on the roof, where nobody could see her, switched to a jumpsuit which blended into her surroundings, and jumped into a vent that was billowing cold steam. She got out her phone and started recording the whole way to the processing department, where they supposedly “inserted healthy nutrients into the cat-food”. Sasha jumped down onto a conveyer belt, and didn’t even flinch as a cat worker dropped a can of cat-food on her toes. They didn’t even know that Sasha was there! She recorded as factory workers stuck a needle into a cat food, and pressed the plunger. It immediately started growing. Sasha continued to record evidence, then climbed back in her flying cat and flew back to her palace. She sued the company, and made her own called “Sasha Cat Foods”, and it was ALL organic.


Emperor Sasha + Virtual Reality

There once lived a cat named Sasha. But she wasn’t just a regular house-cat that sits around doing nothing but eating and sleeping. She was the Emperor of Kitty-land! Yes, Kitty land is a state, but by human beings, its called Alaska. From space, it almost looks like a cat-treat! Emperor Sasha woke up from her night’s sleep, hungry and thirsty. She snapped her paws, if cats can even do that, and instantly her loyal servants, Meow Meow (Sasha called Meow Meow M&M) and Knickers strutted into the room, carrying a platter of fresh cardinal soup, scrambled frog eggs, and mice crackers. Sasha divided the food amongst herself, M&M, and Knickers, and they ate in silence. Sasha finished off the last spoonful of her soup and gave the rest of the mice crackers to Knickers, a heavy eater. Then Sasha showered up, calling the Clumber (Cat + Plumber) because she had clogged the drain with cat hair. Then she got dressed in her majesties royal clothes and rose to her throne. But she had nothing to do because the library was closed, so she couldn’t read a book. She whipped out her phone from her ear, because cats in Kitty land stored their phones in their ear, a very unlikely place that muggers and criminals would look for valuables. She texted her friend Kita, and then played “Kitty Run”, a game made by i-Pawd, a famous game developer. It was a game where you put on those virtual reality goggles and had to collect coins like Pokemon. Something hard bumped against Sasha. Or the opposite way around. She took of her goggles and stared the trapdoor that she had just stepped on. The trap-door fell open and Sasha screamed as she fell into a trap filled with snakes and spiders.


Never EVER play Pokemon Go or any virtual reality game, or you will end up like Sasha, who is now a head of bones and blood. But then in the end, since cats have nine lives, Sasha’s body got reformed and she lived again, never to play Pokemon Go or any other games.


General Sasha and the army of the mutant ants.

Chapter One

A New Beginning


There once existed a house on 12 Primate Drive that had an infestation of tiny black ants.  There were literally everywhere, and the people who lived there had to wear plastic clothes that covered their whole body so the ants wouldn’t bite them. One day, a twelve year old who lived next door to 12 Primate Drive bought a couple of ant killers, placed them around the house, and mixed anti-freeze and hot-sauce with the liquid killer. The ants were supposed to drink it, and then bring it to their nest so the other ants would be killed. But Robert,  the boy who put the ant killers outside of 12 primate drive had made a terrible mistake.

Three days later, about 90% of the ants had been killed, but the other 10% of the ants where in pain and agony. Somehow, the anti-freeze and hot-sauce had mixed together in the ants stomach, and the ant had became a mutant! Ants doubled and tripled in size as they grew razor sharp fangs. The people who lived in 12 Primate drive jumped out of the second floor windows because they were so scared of the mutant ants mutating. One ant named Anthor, (Ant Thor!) grew so big, he broke the roof of the second floor. The house’s pet anteater tried to eat Anthor with little success, and in the end, Anthor swallowed the anteater whole, licking his bloody fangs. The rest of the ants grew as big as Anthor, and they stomped around the neighborhood, eating pet anteaters, dabbing, and stuffing themselves full with pickles. Just then, a cat by the name of Sasha ran onto the street. Sasha had the gift of telepathy with the ants. She ordered them (somehow) to stop dabbing and march in a straight line in front of Sasha. Then she ordered them to do the Gangnam style dance. Then the ants marched in line order toward the entrance of the neighborhood. Anthor had the honor of letting General Sasha stand on his hairy head. They marched out of the neighborhood, dabbing wildly, to who knows where.


Waffles for breakfast

Waffle, who was Sasha’s sister, absolutely loved Waffles. From the first time she had tasted them with log cabin syrup to now, Waffle was in a trance of eating Waffles everyday, for Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner. Sasha, who like pancakes instead, always tried to figure out ways to separate Waffle from her Waffle mix, but it was as impossible as counting to one hundred in a second. It was Waffle’s second serving of Waffles. “Are you EVER going to stop eating Waffles Waffle?!” Sasha was going crazy now. She was so tired of Waffle using up the pancake mix when she ran out of Waffle mix to make her pancakes that Sasha was steaming. Sasha flung a Waffle onto Waffle’s face, which got some syrup on Waffle’s curly black hair, but Waffle didn’t care. She just peeled the sticky Waffle off of her face, and cut it up into slices, eating them all.

Sasha was not at school either. Waffle was still wondering where Sasha could be when Waffle’s best friends, Katy and Amy walked up. Katy was exactly Waffle’s age, eleven, but Amy was a year older than the two friends. “Have either of you seen Sasha?” asked Waffle. Amy nodded no, but Katy said: “Last I heard, your sister was in a mad frenzy shopping for pancake mix at the super-market!” Katy spilled out. “What?!” They all walked to the cafeteria, which was really clean, to eat lunch, discussing ways to calm down Waffle. Even after lunch, they had still not found a way to calm down Sasha.

“See you later!” Sasha called to them as they walked to their science class. Sasha saw Micah, the class clown, sticking pencils up his nose.


Sasha-wee, the lone hero

Sasha prowled the New York Skyline, awaiting anymore kittens to help, or criminals to smash into kitty food. Suddenly, Sasha heard the unmistakable sound of a cop siren. Sasha prepared her grappling hook,  and shot it at a tall building to her left. Then she jumped off the building she was already on. Suddenly, a light blue and red shape hurdled past her. It was Spider-man! “Hi Sasha!” Spider-man waved at her before disappearing. His webs slowly evaporated into the air. Sasha was startled at Spider-man, and almost let go of her grappling hook. She swung downward, and landed right on top of the police car that was wailing like a baby. Sasha pressed the release button on her grappling hook, and the claw let go of whatever it was holding onto, and started quickly winding itself up into the reel automatically. The police-car took a sharp turn to the right, and Sasha found herself in a dark alley, on top of a police-car. The man got out, and Sasha nimbly scaled the alley-wall. She could see that the burglar was getting away! Sasha took out a inflatable punching fist, which still had its price tag on it from Wall-mart, and aimed it at the criminal. The fist flew threw the air, and hit the evil man in the head, making him fall down to the pavement, where the police could take care of him further. Sasha pulled in the line that was connected to the fist, so she didn’t have to fetch it herself. Sasha brushed the dust off of her paws. One criminal taken care of.


Sasha-wee, the lone hero

A dark shape hurdled through the chilly night air. It landed on top of the gargoyle on the Empire State Building. The dark shape scanned the roads of New York City. No criminals to fight, at least not yet. The mysterious crime-fighter pulled of her mask, revealing whiskers and ears, and dark black fur with grey stripes. Sasha opened her tool-belt and pulled out a bottle of milk, specially made for cats. She opened the bottle of milk and drank it all in a single gulp. The only noise that came out was a big burp. Then Sasha pulled out a packet of hot-dogs, which was warm to the touch, and ate one at a time, relishing the delicious premium meat. Then, the cat sprung forth from her roosting place, having eaten her breakfast. Now, it was time to fight criminals. Sasha-wee, the lone hero