The Stick of Butter | Rettub fo Kcits Eht

Violence warning! PG-13

 

There once lived a stick of butter. The stick of butter was very lonely, and every time a person came near, instead of playing with it, the person would instead go inside the refrigerator and toast a slice of bread, and then use a knife and cut off a body part of the butter and smear it all over the hot bread. So one cold day, when the butter had hardened from being so cold, the butter jumped off of the plate it was sitting on and thrashed the human being to death. Blood was splashed all over the cold hearted butter. The butter jumped off the counter, and did a cannonball into the victims stomach, eating all of the intestines of the thrashed human being. Then it suddenly grew a staggering height, taller than the room around it! The butter raced out of the house, gulping down all of the human beings that had eaten part of it on some bread. “I am not useless!” The butter shouted, breaking everyone’s eardrums on the planet. The butter eated a person with a huge head, chomping down on its head and crushing it like a butter on bread. Then, the butter farted, and killed everyone in a fifty mile radius because of the stink. Then the butter eated all of the corpses, avenging himself. “Dos nastie Uman Beans” it thought. The butter turned on dis ground to air rocket missiles, the ones he had collected in the white house armery. The rockets could blow up a whole state with just one blow. The butter aimed it up, something you were never supposed to do, and pressed the big red button. The rockets fired, but they were strapped to the butter! The butter flew into space, and splattered on the moon, white stuff everywhere. That is now why the moon appears so white, because it has a three foot covering of butter.  _____________________________________________________________________________________________

.rettub fo gnirevoc toof eerht a sah ti esuaceb ,etihw os sraeppa noom eht yhw won si tahT .erehwyreve ffuts etihw ,noom eht no derettalps dna ,ecaps otni welf rettub ehT !rettub eht ot depparts erew yeht tub ,derif stekcor ehT .nottub der gib eht desserp dna ,od ot desoppus reven erew uoy gnihtemos ,pu ti demia rettub ehT .wolb eno tsuj htiw etats elohw a pu wolb dluoc stekcor ehT .yremra esuoh etihw eht ni detcelloc dah eh seno eht ,selissim tekcor ria ot dnuorg sid no denrut rettub ehT .thguoht ti “snaeB namU eitsan soD” .flesmih gnigneva ,sesproc eht fo lla detae rettub eht nehT .knits eht fo esuaceb suidar elim ytfif a ni enoyreve dellik dna ,detraf rettub eht ,nehT .daerb no rettub a ekil ti gnihsurc dna daeh sti no nwod gnipmohc ,daeh eguh a htiw nosrep a detae rettub ehT .tenalp eht no smurdrae s’enoyreve gnikaerb ,detuohs rettub ehT “!sselesu ton ma I” .daerb emos no ti fo trap netae dah taht sgnieb namuh eht fo lla nwod gniplug ,esuoh eht fo tuo decar rettub ehT !ti dnuora moor eht naht rellat ,thgieh gnireggats a werg ylneddus ti nehT .gnieb namuh dehsarht eht fo senitsetni eht fo lla gnitae ,hcamots smitciv eht otni llabnonnac a did dna ,retnuoc eht ffo depmuj rettub ehT .rettub detraeh dloc eht revo lla dehsalps saw doolB .htaed ot gnieb namuh eht dehsarht dna no gnittis saw ti etalp eht fo ffo depmuj rettub eht ,dloc os gnieb morf denedrah dah rettub eht nehw ,yad dloc eno oS .daerb toh eht revo lla ti raems dna rettub eht fo trap ydob a ffo tuc dna efink a esu neht dna ,daerb fo ecils a tsaot dna rotaregirfer eht edisni og daetsni dluow nosrep eht ,ti htiw gniyalp fo daetsni ,raen emac nosrep a emit yreve dna ,ylenol yrev saw rettub fo kcits ehT .rettub fo kcits a devil ecno erehT

31-GP !gninraw ecneloiV

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The Great Fight

Its Ramadan. Every Saturday, we (me and my family) go to the local masjid, to break our fast, and to eat dinner and pray Magrib. After dinner, my two brothers and I walk over to the musaluh, so we can fight the “Duh duh heads” I call them. There are four boys, which names all start with an ‘A’. Their names are:

Adnan (The soccer dude who teams up with Audil, the chum-bucket)

Arif (The sometimes-peaceful-crazy-lunatic)

Afif (The phone crazy duh duh head)

Audil (The chum-bucket)

Crazy? But they are all brothers! Adnan is Afif’s brother, and Arif is Audil’s brother. Sometimes, we play dodge-ball with them. There is another family with three boys that usually come over, and they are super-fair, but I don’t know why they don’t come, since its way more fun to play dodge-ball with them. Last time I went to the masjid, they beat me up, and broke the frame of my glasses, and I had to get new ones. I had to beat them up badly, so I could get revenge for them breaking my glasses, but I have to wait until every Saturday, because that’s when the masjid has Iftar. On Eid, they give out toys or games to the kids, but the older kids get gift-cards. I hope I get a gift-card or like three-hundred dollars. I need the money to save up for my quad-copter! Well, I really hope I get revenge. I’ll probably smash their heads in, enough to make them stay away from me. Just joking!

The Revenge of Sully and Idris

There once lived a mean, grumpy, Pre-Aunty named “Mehlamt”. Mehlamt was a alien from Pluto dressed  as a human There also lived two boys named Idris and Sulaiman. Ms. Mehlamt lived up the street from where Idris and Sulaiman lived, and would always come over to their house to ask for food, butter, barrels of frying oil, and to beat Sulaiman and Idris up. They called Ms. Mehlamt “Pre-Aunty Mehlamt”, or “PAM” for short because she wasn’t married to their uncle yet.

Sulaiman and Idris were fed up of Pre-Aunty Mehlamt beating them up and taking all of their food.  PAM was so big, she couldn’t even fit in her car, so she had to buy a semi-truck so she could drive. So one day, they decided to make a trap for her. In the morning, PAM would come around on her semi and honk her horn. Then Sulaiman (Sully) and Idris (Drees) would have to carry carts of food into the back of the truck, and then PAM would come out and spank their butts for no reason. It was early in the morning, and Drees and Sully were busy finishing their plan. They had stuck Vinegar and Baking Soda in the boxes, so when they pressed a button, the baking soda would mix with the vinegar and it would explode in PAM’s face. Just then, Sully heard the familiar honking of the semi-truck at the front door. They carried the box out of the door and put it in the cabin of the semi-truck. Then they snuck back into the house. When PAM had left, Sully pressed the button of the remote control,  and he heard the beeping of the alarm in the box going off. The box exploded with thousands of tons of force. They could hear PAM’s scream as she flew into space, covered from fat toe to huge buttery , oily, hair. It landed on the moon, where it lived horribly after.