Inky Brute

We have two cats. Inky Brute, and Sasha Wee. (I add little nicknames to their names). Inky is the Brute of the cats. If you tickle her belly, she will get angry like hulk and start biting and scratching your flesh without stopping. I have accumulated many scars thanks to the Brute. The cat also has the nerve to jump up on our fish aquarium (with live fish) and stand on top of the lights and the filter. But luckily she can’t open the feeding door, or else the fish would’ve disappeared weeks ago. If you get Inky Brute mad enough, she’ll start chasing you around the house really fast. If your not fast enough, the Brute will bite your heels, inflicting wound after wound until you raise your red flag. Inky also used to climb our parakeet cage (with two parakeets inside) and hang their until I got her down. This usually happened in the morning, when the annoying birds were singing their loudest. I couldn’t blame Inky Brute if she was tired of those birds too. And then we have Sasha wee, our first cat. We actually got two cats from the Animal Shelter, Waffle, and Sasha, but Waffle either ran away or got attacked by a nasty racoon. Even though Sasha is huge and furry, she’s actually very kind, except if you pour water on her. Sometimes Sasha Wee and Inky Brute get in fights inside. I sometimes wonder if they’ll get over it and be cat-friends. Sasha is an outside cat. She spends maybe 80% of her day outside, and only comes inside when she’s hungry or its snowing outside. (Sasha hates snow). Inky Brute loves the snow though. She’ll frolic in it like a ballerina, until she gets stuck in a big pile of it or I throw a snowball at her. When I’m doing my math, Inky Brute like to strut up, and plop her tiny kitten body on the page. Other times, she’ll start biting it like a savage! Its very annoying, and my math book is done for if I keep letting Inky mistreat it. At night, Inky turns into a raving monster. She’ll chase you around without you making her mad, and then cuddle up and wait for you to touch her, and then start chasing you again. Sasha doesn’t do it, probably because shes an old brittle boned cat. About four years old in human years. Inky likes to stalk poor old Sasha, and then attack her too. I feel so sorry for Sasha Wee.


Krat the rat and his misadventures (WARNING: BLOOD AND DEAD CATS)

Chapter Two

Krat the rat bawled his little, red, puny eyes out. He can gotten teased by the school bullies! And they had tried to eat his tail! Krat was exhausted. He wanted to beat up those cats so much, and chew on their bones when he was done killing them. He looked through the window, and saw that the cats were still laughing.

Suddenly, Krat has a huge burst of energy. His eyes glowed red, and he jumped out of his room in the attic. All of the cats stared at Krat. He had somehow gotten a Ratana! A fierce weapon similar to a Katana, but a scaled down version, and made just for rats. All of the cats stared at Krat, because he looked just so fierce. Krat landed on top of the school bully’s head, and lobbed it off. The cat made a disgusting gurgling sound, as the head rolled to the floor. All of the other cats looked at Krat in surprise, and started to run away, but Krat was to fast and hungry for more beheaded cats. He chopped off the tail of one cat, which collapsed, and sliced through the ears of one cat. Krat started laughed a evil laugh so evil, that even the evilest person in the world of evil would be jealous. Then Krat woke up.


Sasha-wee, the lone hero

In the beginning of the series, you met Sasha the house-cat, and how she eats. Now, you are going to learn the story of her live. One, two, three….

Sasha used to live in a dark, cold old alley in the city of Metropocity, in the town of Metropotown, in the county of Metropocounty, in the state of Metropostate. She and her sister Waffle one night got captured by a clerk at the Hokens Animal Shelter. She was caged, and in two days, got adopted by a villain named Steve. Yeah, I know right? Really awesome name for a villain? Well anyways, Steve worked for another evil “Mastermind” who wanted to take a bunch of animals and sell them for very expensive rates down in Hawaii. But, his plan failed, and Sasha and Waffle and their Mom ended up living with a really awesome guy named Luke.

Then, Luke got lost in his airplane with their mom, and Sasha and Waffle ended up living in a huge city named NYC. Sasha would protect the innocent kittens, so Animal Shelters couldn’t take them hostage, and people could adopt then. Both Sasha and Waffle made crude weapons out of trash. Sasha’s tool-belt was actually a belt, and some trash-can lids.

Waffle patrolled the Upper East Side, and Sasha protected the cats from the opposite direction. They always met up in the day-time to discuss matters.


Diary of an Alien

Chapter Three

The next day was sunny. Light penetrated through the super-strong glass in my room, and I got up. Zwinky and Tiger were playing tag in the control room, and I stopped them before Zwinky could catch Tiger. “Let’s surface,” I told Zwinky. Our fuel was running low, and we needed to restock on food.

But the only place where we could get human food was in Beastopoliz, the worst place on Trion 69. We were in the middle of Oceanaris, and it would take about a day to travel to Beastopoliz. We could use the racing engine that I had collected in a bet, but it was too risky; the sub couldn’t handle that much speed. I looked at the gas gauge. Holy moly! There was only three hours before we ran out! “Zwinky! Prepare the racing engine!” I shouted at him. Zwinky immediately stopped petting Tiger and sped out of the control room. I saw him coming back with the small but powerful engine. “Attach it to the back of the sub, and set the speed to high.” I ran back to my room and got dressed.

A minute later, I walked back to the control room, where Zwinky was busy calibrating the engine and sub for high-speed. “Close all the windows and secure all loose furniture!” Zwinky sped off again, and I finished the calibration. Tiger, who was watching me the whole time, meowed, and I put a cat helmet on him. Tiger loves it. Just then, Zwinky came back. “All loose furniture down!” “Great.”

I slowly pushed the throttle to its maximum speed, and I felt the sub responding to my touch. The whole palace jerked forward at an enormous speed, and my cheeks flapped like I was in a roller-coaster. “Ahhh!!” Tiger flew backward and hit the control door. Even Zwinky’s magnetic wheels couldn’t hold him to the ground at this much speed. I strapped myself down to the leather chair and put Tiger on my lap. Then the lights went out. I quickly turned on the emergency lights and glanced at the GPS. Yes. This sub has on. We were being chased! By my worst enemy of all: The King and his Army. Let me tell you the short story. One day, I was minding my own business, when the King (No one knows his name) came along and jailed me. For no good reason! So I escaped, and that angered him even more. I’ve been hiding from him even since. He had probably jammed our electricity signal. Yep. Sure enough, I saw a little machine attached to the side of the control window. It was beeping. It’s a bomb! “Zwinky!” I yelled as loud as I could. Zwinky quickly came to my side, and I pointed out of the bomb. “Get it off!” I narrowly avoided colliding with a high coral reef, while Zwinky climbed out of the window and grabbed the bomb, right before it exploded.


Diary of an Alien

Chapter Two

Okay, let me get started with the story. You’ve probably already read about my palace (The secret submarine), My robots Zwinky and Prup, my Toyger Tiger, my weaponry stash, my really hi-tech grappling hook, and my scuba-gear. If you’ve read the last chapter, you’ve probably heard of all that.

It was May 21, 2091. It probably seems like the distant future for you earthlings, but time passed very quickly on Trion 69. I was in my palace, neatening up my bed. I didn’t have a house in Oceanaris, because every day, fish would attack, and I would have to either retreat or fight, but it was easier to fight back, so we could have a delicious lunch. I would usually boil some Ramen Noodles for me and cook eat the fish (cooked of course) with the noodles. It was always enjoyable, and I never got bored or tired of it.

Just then, the alarm beeped. I dropped the blanket and raced into the hallway. I scrambled into my rubber shoes and helped me run faster and sped into the control room, where Zwinky was awaiting my command. “What is it this time?” I asked him. “Zwinky craned his neck at the radar, which showed our sub in the middle of the screen and five oval shaped objects quickly surrounding us. “It’s the Medusas again,” Zwinky responded, his eyes blinked. “Uggh,” I groaned. The Medusas were a couple of Hammer-head sharks that constantly tormented us. “Harpoon them all,” I sighed. Zwinky’s lights blinked in response, and he pushed a button on the dashboard.

I heard the familiar whirring of the Harpoon Gun coming out of the top of the hatch in the protanium roof of the submarine. “I’ll do it this time,” I picked up Zwinky and got him out of the leather seat. There was a butt mark in the chair from Zwinky sitting there so long. I plopped myself down in the seat and grabbed the adjuster lever on the bottom of the seat. I pulled upward, and a metal tube the exact size of my seat rose up from the floor. It surrounded me like armor, in case the fish attacked the sub and succeeded, I would be protected long enough for me and Tiger to escape. I pulled on headsets that had appeared from nowhere.  “Zwinky, turn on the magnetic shields,” I spoke into the microphone. “Roger Kelvin,” Zwinky spoke back.

Every time the Medusa’s attacked us, I would harpoon all of them, and then their brothers would come after us again and attack us again. It was a never-ending cycle. I reached into the ceiling and grabbed the periscope aimer. I lifted it over my eyes, and immediately saw water. I turned around, and saw five figures floating in the water. Yep. They were Medusas. I aimed the Harpoon Gun at the first one and fired. Now you’re probably thinking: “Kelvin, why the heck would you kill a hammerhead shark! They are endangered!” But no. The Medusas were the most powerful fish clan in Oceanaris, and Hammerhead Sharks are the most common species of fish in the world. The harpoon shot toward the creature and it screamed in pain as the point buried itself in its skin. But I felt no mercy. These monsters had almost killed me one time, and I was going to get my revenge. I press the return button and the Medusa got dragged into the butchery, where machine would gut it and clean it so I could eat it. I did the same thing to the rest of the Medusas, and when I was done, the tube slid back into the ground and I was done with my mission.


Diary of an Alien.

Chapter One

Now, If you’re reading this, I know you’re thinking: “Diary of an Alien? What a cool name! I’m going to read this book!” But let me tell you. This is not a book. This is a real story. It happened, and if you want to stay sane, I would suggest that you put down this book right now and pretend you have never read these words.

Now I know you’re just going to keep on reading and not even listen to that paragraph above,  so let me continue and not waste my breath.

Okay. Let me tell the truth. I am not an alien. I’m a human, though I’m considered an alien where I live.  I just wrote that title to attract more people. But if it didn’t have that title, people would be running away from the horrors in this book. Now back to the story. I live on the planet Trion 69. You’ve probably heard of it in the other “book”, Trion 69. For a quick review, there are four continents. Aleoi, Beastopoliz, Oceanaris, and Felioae. I lived in Oceanaris, where everyone there was a fish. I had to either swim around in my protanium scuba-gear, or drive my protanium sub. Protanium was a super-strong and super-light metal, that even the fish that lived in Oceanaris couldn’t bite through. That’s why I use it to swim around with in. My air tanks in the scuba-gear can last about a day, and it has water-proof jet engines attached to my back, so I could get around really quickly if I was ever in danger. Also, my submarine, which is about as big as a a two story house (seems huge, but is actually small compared to the Oceanaris subs) can last about a year without air or fuel. My sub (I call it my palace) has ten rooms inside of it. The first one is the command room, where my faithful robot Zwinky controls the palace and is always sitting on the leather seat. The second room is the pool room. Since the water’s inside Oceanaris are like poison to humans, you can’t swim in it. So if Zwinky accidentally turns on the heat, and its an oven in my palace, I can just hop in the water and wait until the AC kicks in. The third room is my room, and the fourth room is my bathroom. To bad I can’t bathe in the pool. It has chlorine in it. The fifth room is where my Toyger cat lives. His name is  Tiger. Coincidence right? Tiger loves to swim in the pool and catch fish. Luckily, my other robot named PRUR (I call him Prup) cleans up Tiger’s mess of fish guts and scales and other nasty stuff. Anyway, the sixth room is the most amazing in the whole sub. It has a bunch of computers where I can play video games, plus a water-slide that goes into the pool room. The seventh room is for storage, and so if the eighth, but the ninth room is the engine room, which is very interesting for me. The tenth is the weaponry room, where I keep all of my weapons. There are a couple of under-water harpoon guns on the top and bottom of my palace, and whenever there is a fish attack, I tell Zwinky to just harpoon them all, then me and Tiger can eat them in a soup. My favorite weapon is the laser-gun. You attach it too your arm, and whenever you need to shoot, you just clench your fists and it’ll shoot a laser at your enemy. There is also a grappling hook, so if you need to get up a steep wall, you just press a button, and the hole will shoot out a rope, like Bat-man, and then it attaches itself to the wall, and then press another button, and it will pull you up.