Nonsense Stories, Uncategorized

Cow Vehicle

No offense Russians…

“Ahh! I’m hit Larrieh! I’m going downnnnnnn!!” Larrieh looked out his window to see his friend Jeiber plummeting to the barren desert below. There was a huge explosion as Jeiber’s F-16 crumpled into a ball of metal, taking Jeiber’s life with it. Larrieh didn’t even feel sorry for Jeiber. Jeiber had been so annoying during their training that Larrieh had almost wished that would happen to him. Larrieh had lost fifty-three packages of gummy worm boxes thanks to the late Jeiber. Larrieh grinned and resumed his dogfight with the enemy fighter jets, some insane Russians that had wanted to colonize the moon with mutated cows that could morph into frogs. That’s why Larrieh’s squadron of jets had been sent out, to stop the Russian spacecraft, named the “Корова автомобиля”, or “Cow Vehicle” in English. Larrieh aimed his machine gun at the Russian “Fighter Jet”, which was really a Cessna 182, with a max speed of 172 mph, and pressed the trigger. A second later, the Cessna exploded, and red liquid and small chunks of something splattered Larrieh’s window. At least the Cessna had a good paint job. Larrieh gunned down the other Cessna and turned around to face the launch pad of the Корова автомобиля. It was starting to rise up into the air, and the shock waves of the enormous force used to lift the rocket was causing Larrieh’s fighter jet to wobble in the air. Larrieh had to shoot his laser cannon’s into the space ship to stop it from populating the moon with mutated cows! Then the Russians would be unstoppable. Larrieh had to keep away from the ship or else he would crash into the shock waves and the plane would plummet to its death just like Jeiber. It was actually surprising  that the Russians could hook up their “advanced” weaponry to the Cessna, which was a BB Gun. The BB’s would just bounce off of the metal armor of the F-16, but when shot into the engine, the plane would go out of control. That’s what happened to Jeiber. Exactly. Larrieh veered away from the Корова автомобиля and then fired a single laser cannon toward the Корова автомобиля. It missed by just a hair, melting some of the metal on the ship, making the KOP of Корова автомобиля disintegrate. Larrieh switched to his plasma gun, and almost crashed into the Корова автомобиля! The shock-wave turned the F-16 upside-down, and Larrieh fought to keep under control! Still upside-down, Larrieh zoomed under the Корова автомобиля and faced up, right under the engine of the Корова автомобиля. The power of the single engine kept Larrieh from crashing into the airplane. Larrieh aimed with his computerized aiming system, but then, Larrieh’s father’s voice echoed in his head. “Use your hands, my son,” Larrieh nodded in agreement, and turned off the aiming device, and fired. Just like that, the plasma cannon shot into the engine of the Корова автомобиля. Larrieh veered away, avoided the fatal blast that could have killed him. Larrieh had did it! Larrieh’s squadron radioed in, congratulating Larrieh. Suddenly, something heavy landed on the F-16’s nose. It was a piece of a cow, which looked mightily like a huge steak! Larrieh carefully maneuvered to keep the steak on the nose of the jet, and landed on the aircraft carrier. He enjoyed the Russian Frog steak and lived happily ever after.


Inky Bum

Inky Bum was a homey-cat from the streets. Literally. She lived on the streets like a bum, and wore clothes like one too. Literally. She lived on the streets like a bum, and wore clothes like one too. Every day, Inky Bum would wake up from her bed on the rooftop of a McDonald’s fast food restaurant, and before it opened, she would sneak down its chimney like exhaust pipe for the deep fryer, and steal a huge great big bucket of still warm fries, and couple of strawberry milk shakes, and ten Fillet O’ Fishes, because Inky Bum’s actually a cat. Not even the security cameras would notice a small black Bum of a cat sneaking around stealing food. After that, Inky Bum would walk out the front door, triggering an alarm. Inky would sprint away, probably into a empty house, and eat her fill, feeding the rest of the fries and Fish Fillet’s to her bird friends, Bob and Joe, enormous pigeons that played as extras in West Side Story. After Bob and Joe had finished eating Inky’s leftovers, they would walk/fly over to Burger King for lunch. It was still five in the morning, so none of the stores were open. Inky would have Bob and Joe grab her, and fly her up to the roof of burger king, and Inky would shimmy down the fryer exhaust pipe, steal a bunch of two layer burgers, more fries, and some extra stuff for Bob and Joe. Then she would walk out the front door, and Bob and Joe would fly Inky Bum away. After they had finished eating, Bob and Joe would fly Inky to Rally’s, famous for their awesome french fries. Inky would steal three buckets of fries, walk out the front door, and Bob and Joe would fly her away. At the end of the day, they were full like a water balloon. Bob and Joe would fly away to their shack outside a meat packing building, and Inky would finish off the rest of her french fries, leaving some for a midnight snack.


Agent Inks

Agent Inks lurked in the dark, waiting for the cat fish smugglers to show up in the damp and dirty alleyway. Suddenly, two figures emerged from the darkness. One was limped  slightly, and the other one had a huge grocery cart that seemed to be filled to the brim with water. There was something splashing around in it.

Inky grinned, and switched on her recorder and camera, and started recording the scene. “So you have the fish?” asked the figure with the slight limp. “You bet,” replied the other shadow. Mr. Limp handed Mr. Grocery Cart a handful of cash, about a hundred dollars. Mr. Grocery Cart took the money, counted it, and threw it too the ground. “I asked for three thousand dollars.” he growled.”Well, your not getting it,” said Mr. Limp. Suddenly, they broke out into a fist fight. Immediately, spotlights shone from the rooftops onto the fish smugglers. They were caught. Agents from all sides surrounded the evil smugglers, and arrested them. The cat fish went back to the fish refinery they were stolen from. Agent Inks was paid 15,203 dollars for her contribution, and she spent about half of it on black sunglasses, some iced coffee, and doughnuts (a lot of doughnuts).


Inky the Murderer

There was once a kitten named Inky. She was a black cat that was so fierce, she could catch a wild bottle cap from around the house and kill it without hesitation. bottle-cap

Every bottle cap that lived feared the ferocious murderer, and even their elite force of bottle caps armed with squirt guns couldn’t take down the cat. Inky was unstoppable. Then one day, things went to far.  Inky was strolling downstairs, when she spotted a family of bottle caps taking a walk. Inky laughed like a maniac, and pounced, instantly killing the bottle cap parents and their three bottle cap kids. Inky was immediately surrounded by bottle caps with squirt guns. Water from all side pelted the cat, but Inky seemed only annoyed by the commotion. Inky jumped at one of the bottle caps that had squirted water in her eye, and ate him. Inky gulped down the chewy thing, and burped. The bottle cap cops scattered, and fled. Inky finished off the family of bottle caps and rode off into the sunset. The End.


Garfield the Horrible

It was a very sunny day outside. I was basking in the sun and eating a daisy and butterfly sandwich with a couple of toppings inbetween. I had no idea where that spoiled brat Odie was. I grudgingly got up from my throne, a chair crudely constructed out of sticks, leaves, and yarn, and walked over to the huge apple tree that Odie was napping under. What to do. I could climb up the tree, and drop down on Odie, I could pour cold water on Odie from a high branch, or I could tie his ears to the tree and ring a bell! That was the best idea of the three. I tiptoed up to the tree, and carefully wrapped Odie’s around the tree with great precision. I did a triple knot, and then a quadruple knot. Odie would never be able to get up. I snickered at the thought, and then sped away to get Odie’s favorite toy; a beach ball with a bell inside that rung whenever you shook it. I stood by the front steps, and shook the bell with all my might. Suddenly, there was a great ripping sound, and the tree that Odie was tied to was pulled from the ground with an enormous force.  Odie was under the tree, struggling and trying the keep the tree from the ground. My jaw dropped open as Odie bounded toward me. I tried to jump out of the way, but it was too late. The front of the tree crashed into me and into the front door and bull dozed it down. Somehow, Jon, who was by the front door, wasn’t even harmed as his entire home collapsed in on itself. Jon and Odie were the only ones standing. Five minutes later, the fire-fighters arrived on scene.


A Cat named Dog

There once lived a cat named Dog. Dog was a cat, even though his name was Dog. Dog was always teased by the cats and dogs in the neighborhood, because he was a cat and his name was Dog. Dog was a black cat with grey stripes all over. He looked very much like a cat, despite his name. One day, Dog was strolling around the neighborhood when he spotted two other cats trying to catch a mouse. They were the two bullies that had always bothered Dog, even though he did nothing to bother them. Dog quickly ducked into a dark alley-way where the cats couldn’t bother him. Something wet dripped onto Dog’s neck. ‘Yuck’ thought Dog. He shook his fur to try to get it out. Then, another drop of something wet plopped onto his nose. Dog shook his head trying to get it off, and looked up to see what was dripping. About five feet tall loomed a humongous bull-dog, which was slobbering on the floor. It was staring right at Dog, probably imagining him as a nice meal. Dog cowered in fear, and looked for a way to escape. The entrance to the alley-way was almost ten feet away. He wouldn’t make it in time. The bull-dog growled, sensing Dog’s fear. Then the bull-dog took a step forward. Dog bolted toward the entrance, faster than a speeding bullet, but slower than the speed of sound. The bull-dog bolted forward too, but like a turtle compared to Dog’s speed. Dog escaped, almost with his life.

The very next day, Dog was trying to catch a mouse when suddenly, a group of cats surrounded Dog. Dog looked up, and saw the leader of the gang step forward. “Hey Doggy Cat,” He said. Dog didn’t even care what they called him. The mean cat snatched the mouse that Dog had caught, and chomped it down. Dog’s stomach growled, and so did he. When Dog got angry, you did NOT want to be around him. The gang of cat bullies shrank in fear as Dog transformed into a gigantic green human. Dog was almost ten feet tall, and could easy kill all of the cats. Dog stepped forward, and the ground cracked as Dog’s foot embedded itself in the pavement. The cats scattered, all except for the leader of them all, Rippy. Rippy was frozen in fear, like a statue. Dog ripped off a lamppole which made creaking sounds, hurled Rippy into the air, and swung the pole as hard as he could. Rippy was hit so hard and fast, he broke the sound barrier. Rippy wailed and cried as he was hurtling into space. He was never seen again. Dog giggled to himself, and shrunk back into his normal body, a Cat named Dog. Dog ruled the alley-ways from then on, and if he was ever hungry, he would order his Cat Servants to fetch him a mouse or two, with some snake smoothie. He was the King-of the-Alley.


The Back-Stretcher

Today, a package came in the mail. It was huge, maybe as big as me standing up and with my arms outstretched. It was this thing called an Inversion Table. You strapped yourself to it and turned yourself upside down to stretch your back. All the blood rushes to your head, and if you stay like that for too long, your eye balls can pop with all of the pressure of the blood in your head. You stay upside down for about 3 minutes, and then slowly turn right side up. If you turn right side up to quickly, then you can pass out. I tried it for only a minute and a half, and while I was upside down, I could feel all the blood rushing to my head. Then, there was a searing pain and my eyeballs exploded inside my head. All I could see was white. People screamed, and I heard my eyeballs bounce on the floor. Just kidding 😉 After the timer rung I slowly rolled right side up, and could feel the blood slowly going back to my feet.

Just a image from google

New iMac!

My iMac was running so slow, I couldn’t even open Firefox without having to restart the computadora. I went on eBay and sought out a new or used iMac that had 4 GB or more of RAM, and was less than three-hundred dollars. And presto! There was a used iMac 2011, for 250 dollars! I asked my dad if I could buy it, and he said wait a day to think about it. After 24 hours passed, I transferred 250 dollars into his account. Then I ordered it.

Two days later, a humongous packaged came in the mail. I knew it was the iMac because it was tall, wide, and thin. (At least the package was). I excitedly opened it, and set up the iMac. It was wayyyy wider than my old 2007 version, and had 500 GB of storage space and had 4 memory slots. I booted it up, typed in the password, which was 4321 backwards, and horayy! I had a new iMac! 😀

I sold the my old iMac to my brother himi, after I had taken all my files off of it. Then I got to work installing Adobe Creative Cloud and Adobe Animate. I also downloaded GarageBand, Firefox, and adBlocker. It was so fast, I could open a program in less than a second! There is also more awesome news! Almost two months ago, I had gotten invited to the Kentucky Book Fair! I would be able to sell all of my books, and if I sold all of them, I calculated that I would make about 800 dollars :O And that was only if I sold forty of each book. If I sold eighty of each book, I would make 1600 dollars. (Each book cost ten dollars). There was also free lunch, and a kids day where I would sign books and meet school groups. I shudder at the thought. Also, I made an account on soundcloud! The link:  . I will still be able to buy the Phantom 3 Drone, if I make 250 more dollars. I spent some of my money on the newly refurbished iMac. Today, if I finished my school-work before nine-oclock, I get to go with my mom to the airport, and fly with her in the airplane! That’s not that hard to do if I wake up early enough and start my work.

So, the end for now


Gru goes to jail

Gru was a grumpy old man. Ever since his heist at trying to steal the worlds biggest crystal, he had been serving his time in jail. And the sad part was, Gru never got the change to steal the diamond; the police knew what he was up to and met him at the bank, guarding the safeguard that contained a 3.6 million diamond. He had been escorted to jail, where he had his trail in six weeks. And now, he was cell-mates with a top-notch serial killer, who killed three butterflies, six worms, and eleven ants. Gru asked him how he had gotten in jail, and the seven year old replied that his “wooden bat had accidentely slipped out of his hand and hit the police man in the head”.

It didn’t sound like much of an accident to Gru. He told the boy he had tried to steal a 3.5 million dollar diamond, and then he ended up here. Then Gru burst into tears, bluberring about how he needed the diamond to support his family who supposedly lived on the street, and how he wanted to become a lawyer when he grew up. Gru was still blubbering about his poor family, when a guard walked in to the cell. Luckily, Seven Year Old had his wooden bat confiscated, or he would have killed the guards. One of the guards escorted Seven Year Old to the cafeteria, and the other one led Gru to the office where his lawyer waited. They talked about stuff. Ask Gru what they talked about, not me. I not in jail. After about an hour, Gru got up for lunch, ate a moldy bologna sandwhich, drank a cup of hot orange juice, and read a couple of newspapers. Then he went back to his jail cell, where Seven Year Old was hogging up the bunk-beds. There was a loud snoring sound coming from under the blanket. Gru guessed that Seven Year Old was taking a nap. Gru washed his face, and finished reading the magazine he had stolen from the magazine stand inside the jail. Then he woke up Seven Year Old and took the top bunk. Later that night, Gru heard a rumbling outside his jail-cell. He slid the blanket off and jumped down from the top bunk. Gru looked through the bars, an grinned as Bob, the yellow minion with one eye slipped out of the air vent. Bob grinned, and cheered, and his other freind, Mart, a purple crazed minion unlocked the door. Gru slipped out of the jailcell, but hesitated when he thought of Seven Year Old. Just then, Bob   jumped and down, and pointed down the hall. He looked very frightened. Gru heard distant footsteps. The Guards! They patrolled the hallway to make sure that no minions let out people from jailcells. Gru made up his mind, grabbed Seven Year Old, and escaped from the cell. They drove to Gru’s house in his rocket car, and had a party celebrating Gru’s escape from prison. And they lived happily ever after.


The Defenders

The all powerful master ninja has chosen you, and only you to guard the sacred sword of  ninjas at night. After everyone had gone to bed, you flop onto the uncomfortable wooden bench, and eat some ninja-noodles, a rip off of ramen noodles. They tasted good, but made you thirsty. Unfortunately, the nearest water-fountain in about twenty steps away. If your gone, the evil ninja could steal it while your away! But you get thirstier, so you race to the water-fountain, drink a gallon, run back, and find that the evil red ninja are in the act of stealing the sword! You act fast, throwing a couple of ninja stars at the ninjas. They go down, groaning and hacking, and you defeat the last of the ninjas. You retrieve the sword from an unconscious ninja who is groaning a moaning like a dying goat, and place it back in its rightful place in the light of the moon, on top of the granite pedestal. Suddenly, waves of evil ninjas stream from no where and try to snatch the sword, but you jump, hurl a bunch of ninja stars, and watch as twenty seven ninjas go down without a fight. You have to protect the sword at all costs. You eliminate all of the ninjas, and then the sun comes out! You are finished protecting the sword, and now its time for breakfast! After class you tell all of your ninja friends how you defeated one hundred sixty seven ninjas trying to steal the sword. They crowd around you and ask about each ninja you rendered unconscious. “If you don’t believe me, then go look in the courtyard!” you say. Ninja rush into the courtyard, trampling a couple poor janitors in the rush. They all run outside, and gasp at the pile of still unconscious evil ninjas. You become famous.

Play the game here!


Arrow keys to move, space to shoot ninja stars. Don’t touch or let the evil ninjas

take the sword!