Harry Potter, Nonsense Stories, Violence, Writing Practice

Harry Potter Goes to Middle School 1

Harry stood at the entrance of Potato Chip Dipped in Salsa Middle School. He was breathing heavily, tired from all of the running to get to the school. Suddenly, the entrance opened, and hit Harry right in the head, knocking him to the dirt. Harry got up, and saw the principal, Mr. Blob, laughing like a hyena. Harry growled and snarled, leaped forward, and jammed his wand into Mr. Blob’s stomach, making a hole straight through. Then he ran into the jam packed hallways filled with middle schoolers.

Harry tried to move through the crowd, but it was impossible. Moving through these hallways were like trying to walk up a cliff with a elephant tied to your to your feet. Someone bumped against Harry, knocking him to the ground. Harry screamed like an animal, and using his wand, transfigured the two hundred pound teenager into a turtle. Then Harry stepped on it, smashing the turtle to bits and killing the kid. Harry walked into his classroom, 3A, and sat down in the nearest seat to the back. The teacher walked into the room, and did a role call. “Harry P.?” The class laughed, and Harry raised his hand. The laughter died down. “I would like you ask you a question, Muggle,” The teacher did a double take. “Your calling me? A Muggle?! Do I look like a MUGGLE!?!?” The teacher ripped off his wig, and revealed a pale bald head. Everyone gasped, even Harry. He actually peed his pants. “Voldemort?!” Harry yelled. His scar exploded in pain. It felt like he was being roasted on a spit about a sizzling hot fire. Voldemort grinned, and waved his wand. The rest of the teacher clothes fell away, and revealed a grey robe. Then Voldemort pulled off of his mask, and Chuck Norris chuckled.

Advertisements
Harry Potter, Nonsense Stories, Violence, Writing Practice

Harry Potter in 2018 (At Walmart)

Harry Potter slipped on some cool sunglasses as he walked into Walmart. The sunglasses were so tinted that he walked into those things that beep whenever you try to pass them without buying whatever your holding. Harry Potter took off the sunglasses, and walked right into someone texting on their phone. “Watch it, Muggle!” He shouted. The Muggle jumped, and dropped her phone. Harry shook his head. He had bumped into five of those Muggle’s already. They were getting really annoying.  Some security guards rushed over to the scene, where the Muggle girl was sobbing on the floor, crying over her broken metal handheld device that lit up like a flashlight. There was a video of a cat playing chopsticks on it.  “Is there a problem here?” One guard asked. Harry rushed off to the frozen aisle section before the guard could ask him another question. In the frozen aisle, Harry opened a fridge, and shuddered as cold air hit him right in the face. “Arg! Its cold in here!” He yelled. Harry jumped right into the freezer, and got even more cold. “Yow!” He shrieked.

After a couple of minutes, guards had noticed that Harry was stuck in the freezer, and they had helped him out. Then Harry had grabbed a cartoon of eggs, and dropped them on his feet. “LOL!” a kid passing by had seen the scene. “LOL your face, MUGGLE!” Harry growled angrily, rushing forward and using his wand to poke the kid in the eyes. Two eyeballs popped out, and the mother who was holding the kid’s hand screamed and slapped Harry so hard, he went flying backwards. Harry blubbered angrily, and replaced the kid’s eyeballs. Harry then skipped over to the TV aisle, where Living Dead was playing. Harry screamed as he saw a zombie crawling toward him slowly. “Its ALIVE!” Harry shrieked so loud, the glass broke on the television, and sprayed all over him. Harry ran to another aisle before the security guards even got to the TV aisle. Harry was lost in Walmart. He decided to keep on walking toward these tanks of water that had orange things in them. When he got there, Harry screamed again, punched the glass, and screamed again when the glass broke on his hand and water poured out, along with a couple pounds of goldfish. Security guards closed in, arrested him, and Harry was sent to a mental facility.

 

To be continued. . .

Nonsense Stories, Violence, Writing Practice

Mr. Dinky’s violence goes too far

“Please Mr. Dinky! I didn’t do it!” Billeh pleaded. Billeh was on the floor, sobbing, and trying to throw himself at Mr. Dinky, the cop, but the ankle chains were holding him back. He’ll probably believe me and then I’ll be free again. Billeh thought. He was lying, though. Billeh continued to sob, so much that the drain in the interrogation cell was clogging up with Billeh’s fake tears.

Mr. Dinky sighed. He didn’t have time to waste. There was an appointment at 3:30 with his doctor, and a session at the Hobo Palace, on how to cook a rat at twelve. He called the guard on duty, and opened the door for Billeh the Bum.

Billeh looked up, knowing that Mr. Dinky would let him out. Mr. Dinky walked in, holding a chain cutter. Billeh tried not to smile, but instead kept banging his head on the floor like a baby.

Mr Dinky groaned. He was tired of Billeh the Bum whining like that. “Hey Billeh,” he asked. “Have you every been hunting before?” Billeh looked up, surprised at the question. “Yeh, I have.”

“Where?”

“In Alaska, we was huntin’ werewolves with my uncle Jilly Bob with some AK-47’s,”

Mr. Dinky narrowed his eyes. “What a liar!” Mr. Dinky rushed forward, and slammed the chain cutter right into Billeh’s head, knocking him out instantly. Mr. Dinky didn’t stop there. He picked up the ruffian by the neck and slammed Billeh’s head into the Billeh’s locker. Mr Dinky didn’t feel sorry one bit. “You dink you so cool,” he shouted into the unconscious Billeh’s ear. “Go bum yourself, peanut brain brute!” Mr. Dinky slammed Billeh’s head into the wall one more time, let go of him, and then whacked Billeh’s over the head with the chain cutter for good measure. Billeh never got up again.

Harry Potter, Nonsense Stories

The Hawwy Episodes : Hawwy has nothing else to do but scweam.

Hawwy snorted in his sleep. Drool was splattered all over the bed, and even some of the students were covered in it. Hawwy snorted again, and boogers sprayed out of his nose and onto his drool covered bed. Suddenly, something jumped onto his shoulder, extending claws into his meaty fleshy flesh. Hawwy jumped up, and screamed, hitting his head on the roof. Crookshanks grinned in the dark light, and used his claws to start raking out Hawwy’s ugly, pasty, nasty hair, which was covered in boogers and drool. Hawwy kept on screaming, waking up everyone in the castle. Crookshanks stopped ripping out Hawwy’s hair when there was no more to rip out, and then the cat ran away. Hawwy looked at himself in the window, which was covered in snow, and when he saw his ripped out hair, he screamed like a banshee, breaking all of the windows in the boys house, and shattering some eardrums. Hawwy looked at the pile of dark black hair on the floor, and screamed some more. Professors on the outside of the door were trying to get in to see what the problem was, but the Fat Lady had changed the password overnight, so no one, not even Dumbledore, who had his beat box blasting the Beach Boys, could get in. Hawwy tried desperately to take some chunks of hair and superglue them on with his wand, but he only succeeded in ripping out his scalp, and bone shown in the moonlight. Hawwy had nothing else to do but scream.

Harry Potter, Nonsense Stories, Writing Practice

The Beginning of Harry Potter (In a third person view)

It was a dark and windy night in Privet Drive. Some lamp posts groaned and creaked in the breeze, but it was otherwise silent as a rock at the bottom of an ocean. Suddenly, there was a whooshing sound in the air right by a stone wall, and a loud snap, and a tall man dressed very peculiarly fell out of the air two or three feet in the air and hid the floor, making less noise than a cat’s whiskers. The man had a huge dark blue robe, and in his long and bony hand, he held a smooth stick, about a foot long. At least, it looked like a stick. A stick wasn’t smooth and polished like what the man was holding. The man also had a long and pointy hat on the top of his head, and at the top, it was bent a little bit. The hat was a little crooked from the man’s fall. The man reached up to his head, and pushed it a little bit so it stood fall and straight. Then, he looked down, straight at a black cat with silver stripes all over. It was a really big cat, at least for a cat. The cat was as still as a rock, but it looked at the man like he was a friend. “There aren’t any people around, Minerva. You can stop being a cat,”. The cat sniffed, and then, in less than a blink of an eye, the cat became a short, stout lady with almost the same hat as the man who had told her to become a human. “Your early, Albus,” Minerva realized. “Want some Froot Loops?” asked Albus. “They are very delicious! Muggle food is absolutely scrumptious!” Albus exclaimed, patting his big belly, full of the colorful cereal. Minerva rolled her eyes, but she was surprised at Albus’s huge gut.

 

And Albus at Froot Loops happily ever after.

Uncategorized

Hoopa’s idiotness

The Sun was rising as Hoopa skied down the cold mountain side. He was about to enter a dark forest. Hoopa checked his two ski poles to see that one of them was cracking from the cold! A huge snow pile appeared in front of him, getting bigger each second. Hoopa desperately tried to slow down, but it was useless. He was just going so fast. Hoopa quickly jumped out of his skis and landed face first in the snow pile. Luckily, no snow got in his face-mask. Hoopa looked at his watch. It was seven-thirty AM. Hoopa took off his backpack and opened it. He plucked out his metal thermos, which was still warm from the hot chocolate, and took a big gulp. The hot drink unfroze his legs and warmed his fingers to the tips. There were a bunch of birds roosting in the trees. Hoopa put the thermos back in the backpack, and zipped it back up. He was going to explore the forest. With nothing else to do, Hoopa got up off his butt and trudged into the forest. Hoopa took regular drinks from the thermos to keep his body warm from the bitter cold wind blowing in the alpine mountains. Hoopa jumped when a mountain cat jumped down from a tree branch, startling a bunch of birds. Hoopa slowly backed away as the cat stalked Hoopa. Suddenly, Hoopa’s hand slipped and the hot chocolate slipped out of his hand, spilling in the snow. The cat leaped forward and ripped off Hoopa’s arm. Hoopa screamed as the cat chewed on his limb. Hoopa tried to run, but another cat ripped his leg from his body. Hoopa fell to the grounded, bleeding uncontrollably. Thanks to his ski pole, Hoopa was killed by snow leopards that were terribly hungry.

Nonsense Stories, Uncategorized

Cow Vehicle

No offense Russians…

“Ahh! I’m hit Larrieh! I’m going downnnnnnn!!” Larrieh looked out his window to see his friend Jeiber plummeting to the barren desert below. There was a huge explosion as Jeiber’s F-16 crumpled into a ball of metal, taking Jeiber’s life with it. Larrieh didn’t even feel sorry for Jeiber. Jeiber had been so annoying during their training that Larrieh had almost wished that would happen to him. Larrieh had lost fifty-three packages of gummy worm boxes thanks to the late Jeiber. Larrieh grinned and resumed his dogfight with the enemy fighter jets, some insane Russians that had wanted to colonize the moon with mutated cows that could morph into frogs. That’s why Larrieh’s squadron of jets had been sent out, to stop the Russian spacecraft, named the “Корова автомобиля”, or “Cow Vehicle” in English. Larrieh aimed his machine gun at the Russian “Fighter Jet”, which was really a Cessna 182, with a max speed of 172 mph, and pressed the trigger. A second later, the Cessna exploded, and red liquid and small chunks of something splattered Larrieh’s window. At least the Cessna had a good paint job. Larrieh gunned down the other Cessna and turned around to face the launch pad of the Корова автомобиля. It was starting to rise up into the air, and the shock waves of the enormous force used to lift the rocket was causing Larrieh’s fighter jet to wobble in the air. Larrieh had to shoot his laser cannon’s into the space ship to stop it from populating the moon with mutated cows! Then the Russians would be unstoppable. Larrieh had to keep away from the ship or else he would crash into the shock waves and the plane would plummet to its death just like Jeiber. It was actually surprising  that the Russians could hook up their “advanced” weaponry to the Cessna, which was a BB Gun. The BB’s would just bounce off of the metal armor of the F-16, but when shot into the engine, the plane would go out of control. That’s what happened to Jeiber. Exactly. Larrieh veered away from the Корова автомобиля and then fired a single laser cannon toward the Корова автомобиля. It missed by just a hair, melting some of the metal on the ship, making the KOP of Корова автомобиля disintegrate. Larrieh switched to his plasma gun, and almost crashed into the Корова автомобиля! The shock-wave turned the F-16 upside-down, and Larrieh fought to keep under control! Still upside-down, Larrieh zoomed under the Корова автомобиля and faced up, right under the engine of the Корова автомобиля. The power of the single engine kept Larrieh from crashing into the airplane. Larrieh aimed with his computerized aiming system, but then, Larrieh’s father’s voice echoed in his head. “Use your hands, my son,” Larrieh nodded in agreement, and turned off the aiming device, and fired. Just like that, the plasma cannon shot into the engine of the Корова автомобиля. Larrieh veered away, avoided the fatal blast that could have killed him. Larrieh had did it! Larrieh’s squadron radioed in, congratulating Larrieh. Suddenly, something heavy landed on the F-16’s nose. It was a piece of a cow, which looked mightily like a huge steak! Larrieh carefully maneuvered to keep the steak on the nose of the jet, and landed on the aircraft carrier. He enjoyed the Russian Frog steak and lived happily ever after.

Uncategorized

Inky Bum

Inky Bum was a homey-cat from the streets. Literally. She lived on the streets like a bum, and wore clothes like one too. Literally. She lived on the streets like a bum, and wore clothes like one too. Every day, Inky Bum would wake up from her bed on the rooftop of a McDonald’s fast food restaurant, and before it opened, she would sneak down its chimney like exhaust pipe for the deep fryer, and steal a huge great big bucket of still warm fries, and couple of strawberry milk shakes, and ten Fillet O’ Fishes, because Inky Bum’s actually a cat. Not even the security cameras would notice a small black Bum of a cat sneaking around stealing food. After that, Inky Bum would walk out the front door, triggering an alarm. Inky would sprint away, probably into a empty house, and eat her fill, feeding the rest of the fries and Fish Fillet’s to her bird friends, Bob and Joe, enormous pigeons that played as extras in West Side Story. After Bob and Joe had finished eating Inky’s leftovers, they would walk/fly over to Burger King for lunch. It was still five in the morning, so none of the stores were open. Inky would have Bob and Joe grab her, and fly her up to the roof of burger king, and Inky would shimmy down the fryer exhaust pipe, steal a bunch of two layer burgers, more fries, and some extra stuff for Bob and Joe. Then she would walk out the front door, and Bob and Joe would fly Inky Bum away. After they had finished eating, Bob and Joe would fly Inky to Rally’s, famous for their awesome french fries. Inky would steal three buckets of fries, walk out the front door, and Bob and Joe would fly her away. At the end of the day, they were full like a water balloon. Bob and Joe would fly away to their shack outside a meat packing building, and Inky would finish off the rest of her french fries, leaving some for a midnight snack.

Uncategorized

Inky Brute

We have two cats. Inky Brute, and Sasha Wee. (I add little nicknames to their names). Inky is the Brute of the cats. If you tickle her belly, she will get angry like hulk and start biting and scratching your flesh without stopping. I have accumulated many scars thanks to the Brute. The cat also has the nerve to jump up on our fish aquarium (with live fish) and stand on top of the lights and the filter. But luckily she can’t open the feeding door, or else the fish would’ve disappeared weeks ago. If you get Inky Brute mad enough, she’ll start chasing you around the house really fast. If your not fast enough, the Brute will bite your heels, inflicting wound after wound until you raise your red flag. Inky also used to climb our parakeet cage (with two parakeets inside) and hang their until I got her down. This usually happened in the morning, when the annoying birds were singing their loudest. I couldn’t blame Inky Brute if she was tired of those birds too. And then we have Sasha wee, our first cat. We actually got two cats from the Animal Shelter, Waffle, and Sasha, but Waffle either ran away or got attacked by a nasty racoon. Even though Sasha is huge and furry, she’s actually very kind, except if you pour water on her. Sometimes Sasha Wee and Inky Brute get in fights inside. I sometimes wonder if they’ll get over it and be cat-friends. Sasha is an outside cat. She spends maybe 80% of her day outside, and only comes inside when she’s hungry or its snowing outside. (Sasha hates snow). Inky Brute loves the snow though. She’ll frolic in it like a ballerina, until she gets stuck in a big pile of it or I throw a snowball at her. When I’m doing my math, Inky Brute like to strut up, and plop her tiny kitten body on the page. Other times, she’ll start biting it like a savage! Its very annoying, and my math book is done for if I keep letting Inky mistreat it. At night, Inky turns into a raving monster. She’ll chase you around without you making her mad, and then cuddle up and wait for you to touch her, and then start chasing you again. Sasha doesn’t do it, probably because shes an old brittle boned cat. About four years old in human years. Inky likes to stalk poor old Sasha, and then attack her too. I feel so sorry for Sasha Wee.