The Rise of the Evil Primates.

Fifty years ago, in the country of Greenland, in a freezing cold cave, there lived a clan of apes, about twenty years old. They were huddled around a flickering fire, but it was too cold to go outside to fetch dry wood. But luckily, there was a whole pile of logs in the corner of the cold cave. The fire was barely giving the primates warmth, but it was better than nothing. One of the apes, Kiara, which translated from “Apish” to English meant “The Obese Liar” was the biggest of the bunch. She, or it, was also the dumbest. If you asked Kiara (Say it with disgust) what was one plus five, she was grunt “Cat”. The Kiara’s brain was about as small as a midget of an acorn, which was about as small as a period:

Brain of the Kiara—–> -.

Anyways, when the snow-storm ended, they had been barricaded  in by about fifty feet of snow. The Kiara hurled herself at the pile of snow, and was instantly frozen. Mr. Parish, which mean “Protector of Driveways” in english lit a stick with the fire, and melted Kiara with the fire. Then he melted the snow that was barricading the entrance of the cave. A freezing cold wind blew into the cave, extinguishing the fire and freezing the other fifteen primate apes. Kiara and Mr. Parish walk out into the negative five hundred degree weather. Somehow, they survive long enough to walk to the nearest town, run by real human beings. They let the Apes lives there, until they kill everyone, the apes did, and ruled the town.

The End.

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Emperor Sasha + Virtual Reality

There once lived a cat named Sasha. But she wasn’t just a regular house-cat that sits around doing nothing but eating and sleeping. She was the Emperor of Kitty-land! Yes, Kitty land is a state, but by human beings, its called Alaska. From space, it almost looks like a cat-treat! Emperor Sasha woke up from her night’s sleep, hungry and thirsty. She snapped her paws, if cats can even do that, and instantly her loyal servants, Meow Meow (Sasha called Meow Meow M&M) and Knickers strutted into the room, carrying a platter of fresh cardinal soup, scrambled frog eggs, and mice crackers. Sasha divided the food amongst herself, M&M, and Knickers, and they ate in silence. Sasha finished off the last spoonful of her soup and gave the rest of the mice crackers to Knickers, a heavy eater. Then Sasha showered up, calling the Clumber (Cat + Plumber) because she had clogged the drain with cat hair. Then she got dressed in her majesties royal clothes and rose to her throne. But she had nothing to do because the library was closed, so she couldn’t read a book. She whipped out her phone from her ear, because cats in Kitty land stored their phones in their ear, a very unlikely place that muggers and criminals would look for valuables. She texted her friend Kita, and then played “Kitty Run”, a game made by i-Pawd, a famous game developer. It was a game where you put on those virtual reality goggles and had to collect coins like Pokemon. Something hard bumped against Sasha. Or the opposite way around. She took of her goggles and stared the trapdoor that she had just stepped on. The trap-door fell open and Sasha screamed as she fell into a trap filled with snakes and spiders.

Conclusion:

Never EVER play Pokemon Go or any virtual reality game, or you will end up like Sasha, who is now a head of bones and blood. But then in the end, since cats have nine lives, Sasha’s body got reformed and she lived again, never to play Pokemon Go or any other games.

Imih de Bum

There once lived a little girl named Imih. She was a beast. Everyday, she would wake up on her mattress and then scream for the iPad so she could play on star fall.com, a website for one month year olds. Imih could make grown men cry for their “Mommas”. Then without even brushing her teeth with her “Brute-brush” she would hop downstairs and order a full-course-meal from her parents, which she called “Brute1” and “Brute2”. Imih would then jump on the table, do the moonwalk, then glue herself to the ceiling,where she would hang their under Brute1 or Brute2 unglued her. Then she would   stuff her mouth with food, storing food in her checks so much that a chipmunk would be jealous. Then Imih would play the Doggie Song, and scream along with it, alerting the Police Department. Then Brute1 and Brute2 would have to explain to the officer that her daughter had gotten “Out of control” They would arrest Imih the Bum and put her in a jail cell in prison. Her cell-mate, an axe-murderer would then try to kill her, but Imih would flatten his head with her concrete case iPad, and kill him, and then she would do the same to the guards, kill everyone in prison, and escape, without even a scratch. Then she would hop out of her cell and back home, where her parents were waiting for her. Then she would get a timeout for approximately ten seconds, (That’s how spoiled she was) and then go back to making trouble. Thats a common day for Imih de Bum.

Yllus the Cruel

In an alternate universe parallel to the Milky Way, there lived a King named Yllus the cruel. He ruled the planet Htrae, Earth backwards. it was identical to earth, except that everything there was backwards. If you were mean on Earth, you were nice and kind on Htrae. If you hated cats and ponies on Htrae, you loved them on Earth. Yllus the cruel on Htrae was actually very awesome and nice, but his real name was Sully, and instead of being poor and needy on Htrae, he was actually rich and powerful on Earth. People on Htrae spoke the language dackwarbs, which was English, but everything was backwards.  If you needed to get from Africa to America, you would walk instead of ride an airplane. Instead of smart, people were dumb as dirt. Yllus the cruel wanted to be rich and powerful, just like this opposite on Earth, but he was forever poor. Yllus the Cruel lived in a homeless shelter, unlike his Earth opposite, who lived in a mansion with fifty bedrooms. Yllus the Cruel woke up. “Hungry I am!” he moaned. He limped to the door, which was upside down, and jumped to reach the spike which you used to open it. His hand got impaled in the sharp object, and he screamed.

 

The End

Homey’s vs. Hoodlums

In the dark, wet city of Matenhym, there lived a gang of Homey’s named the “Aiedle”. Only fifteen Homey’s joined the gang, because the other thirty were to scared to join. The member had to cut off one of their fingers and eat it, with hot sauce. The bones would then be taped to the member’s head.

In the shiny dry city of Hoodlumville, a city named by the gang the “Hoodlums”. They were kind and nice, cleaning up after dogs, and helping old ladies cross the street. They also volunteered for trash duty, where they had to jump on a garbage truck and dump trash into a garbage truck. Their worst enemy was the “Aiedle” gang, because they lived in trash cans, inhabited by raccoons and other weird animals.

One day the Hoodlums will meet the Aidle gang in battle, and start killing each other for dominance of the world. Which one will win? Post your thoughts in the comments!

 

Fifty more $$!!!

This Friday, I sold SIX gyros at the masjid, and THREE Ale-8’s! I forgot the plastic wrap and aluminum foil though, but I still made thirty dollars! (I had to use the masjid’s napkins) And then I found another TWENTY dollar bill in my sock drawer! My dad said that I have to make a hundred dollars, and then I could buy the Phantom 3 Standard, and I’m more than halfway through! I just need fifty more dollars, and then Vvvvvvvrooom! I’ll be flying my drone like Chuck Yeager and breaking the sound barrier!

Kiara De Bum

There once lived a stingy brat named Kiara. Everyday, as soon as he opened his eyes, he screamed, “WHATS FOR BREAKFAST?” The scream was louder than 500 decibels, and was so high pitched, that even dogs couldn’t hear. Every servant in the household  was deaf, thanks to over ten years of Kiara screaming in the morning. They knew by Kiara banging on the floor that he was awake and was hungry. They secretly called him Hungry Kiara behind his back. Every day, Kiara would eat all of the food in the house, and wouldn’t even feed his “slaves” (That’s what he called his loyal servants). They had to sneak out of the house to the local restaurant, and they would stay there until the manager of the fast food store told them that he could hear high pitched screaming from a house a block away. Then the servants had to run over to Kiara’s “mansion”, which was really a couple of rags held up by some sticks. Kiara took up half of the house. The servants where the ones who had to support the whole “mansion”. They had to pay the homeless bill, a bill for homeless people that had shacks in a parking lot.

One day, a thirteen year old boy named Sully was flying his DJI Mavic Pro above the parking lot. He had earned $999 dollars selling food downtown, and bought the drone himself. The drone could go more than fifty miles an hour, and Sully raced people with his drone all the time, winning lots of money, both for taking pictures, and for racing other people’s drones. Sully turned the camera downwards, and saw shack in the middle a parking lot held up by sticks. There were about three people running around it, being chased, not even by a human, but a huge yellow beach ball. No wait, it was a human, but it was so heavy, the thing was bouncing around like a real beach ball, chasing the peoples. “TRAITORS!” It shouted. Sully accidentally deployed his anti-gun-missiles, which he only used if people were trying to shoot down his drone. It wasn’t his fault. It was the loudness of the scream that scared him. Four missiles popped out of the drones bottom, and fired up. They shot out of there holsters and aimed at the fat waddling heap of blubber. They exploded in its face, spraying blubber and fat everywhere. There was not even any blood, just yellow stuff flying through the air. The servants spotted Sully, and jogged over. “Thank you very much! You have killed our worst enemy, and now we are free humans!” Sully was so quizzical, he almost didn’t notice when the drone almost crashed into a light pole. He went home, found out that his drone had been recording the whole scene, and then put the video on youtube for everyone to see. It become the top grossing video’s of all time, but didn’t make any money.

The Brutal Attack of the Killer Lard III

After the lard had died a horrible death, it had melted into the sewer. The police department had cleaned up the dead people, who weren’t really dead, but had fainted in fear of the killer lard. The monkey who had eaten the brain of the pig and the zookeepers had died though. The lard in the sewer got mixed up in the dirty waste of the sewer, and it would never be able to form again, at least that’s what scientists said. They were totally wrong. The lard went through a couple of mesh filters, and clogged it up. The water level dropped because the sewer plant was shutting down to see the clog, and all of the lard dropped to the floor. It was mighty cold in the sewer, so the melted lard froze, and slowly formed together. In less than sixty seconds, the lard had fully formed, and was hiding in the shadows waiting to ambush the poor people who had to unclog the sewers. The lard sensed the people walking down the mucky filthy corridor, and attacked. The lard grew brick hard arms, and smashed the inspectors against the wall. Bones crumpled, and the sound of blood pouring out onto the floor was the only sound, except for the lard heavily breathing. It stuffed the mutilated people into its mouth and chewing, grunting with pleasure. But even before the Lard had killed the sewer enforcers, they had called for backup, seeing the huge mess of fat clogged in the filters. Within minutes, backup had arrived with heat guns, to melt the fat, the perfect weapon against the Killer Lard. The backup team screamed when they saw the bloody mess of their friends, and shrieked even louder when they glanced at the Lard. They aimed their heat guns at the Lard, and pressed their triggers. The Lard melted before their eyes, and a couple dropped to the ground crying for their death friends. Before the Lard had completely melted, it muttered a curse. “Your doppelganger will regurgitate your soul,”. Then it died.

 

Five months later.

The backup team became the most famous people in the world for meeting and killing the Lard. One day, Larry, the captain of the backup team had a heart attack at age 24, and dropped dead on the spot. Then Harry, his brother, broke all his bones in a game of “Lets jump off of a skyscraper,”. Luckily, Harry did not die, but he mourned over his brothers loss for a couple of mouths. A week later, the whole backup team was dead, because of the evil curse of the Killer Lard.

 

The end. Look out for The Curse of the Killer Lard I coming out soon!

The Brutal Attack of the Killer Lard II

In a pig farm in Oklahoma, there lived a pig named Piggy. Piggy was so fat, it couldn’t even fit through a wide open door, rendering it the fattest pig in the planet. The pig was over 107 years old, and having experienced the Cold War, was the most hallucinating pig in the planet too. One day, the pig was too big too feed, so the owner, Colin and Abry Williams sold the Lardly Pig to a zoo, where they tortured the pig day and night until finally it died. The zoo grinded up the bones for marrow, and wasted the brains, where the next day, they fed the monkeys the small brain of the pig and all of the intestines. They made lard out of the pig fat, and made blocks of it, stacking it in a freezer. One winter night, the lard had a hallucination, still alive somehow. The lard escaped out of the freezer and chomped down on all of the animals, including the monkey that had eaten the pig’s brain. Then it murdered the animals keepers in cold blood, literally, and invaded the town of New Hampshire. People where dropping like leaves, and bodily fluids where flooding the sewers. Suddenly, the sun arrived. The lard screamed, because the temperature had risen fifty degrees. Drops of lard started dropping off of the blob of lard, and soon, the temperature was 160 degrees. Celsius. The lard died a horrible death, and melted into the sewers.