The Defenders

The all powerful master ninja has chosen you, and only you to guard the sacred sword of  ninjas at night. After everyone had gone to bed, you flop onto the uncomfortable wooden bench, and eat some ninja-noodles, a rip off of ramen noodles. They tasted good, but made you thirsty. Unfortunately, the nearest water-fountain in about twenty steps away. If your gone, the evil ninja could steal it while your away! But you get thirstier, so you race to the water-fountain, drink a gallon, run back, and find that the evil red ninja are in the act of stealing the sword! You act fast, throwing a couple of ninja stars at the ninjas. They go down, groaning and hacking, and you defeat the last of the ninjas. You retrieve the sword from an unconscious ninja who is groaning a moaning like a dying goat, and place it back in its rightful place in the light of the moon, on top of the granite pedestal. Suddenly, waves of evil ninjas stream from no where and try to snatch the sword, but you jump, hurl a bunch of ninja stars, and watch as twenty seven ninjas go down without a fight. You have to protect the sword at all costs. You eliminate all of the ninjas, and then the sun comes out! You are finished protecting the sword, and now its time for breakfast! After class you tell all of your ninja friends how you defeated one hundred sixty seven ninjas trying to steal the sword. They crowd around you and ask about each ninja you rendered unconscious. “If you don’t believe me, then go look in the courtyard!” you say. Ninja rush into the courtyard, trampling a couple poor janitors in the rush. They all run outside, and gasp at the pile of still unconscious evil ninjas. You become famous.

Play the game here!

Instructions:

Arrow keys to move, space to shoot ninja stars. Don’t touch or let the evil ninjas

take the sword!

//scratch.mit.edu/projects/embed/177711575/?autostart=false

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The wild Sisi

There once lived a girl by the name of Sisi. She lived in the forest, where the only things she had to eat were raw or smoked grizzly bears, apples, oranges, and pears. There was a stream, and it was so cold, Sisi used it as a mini freezer. She could drink from it, but only if it was filtered with fine leaves and sticks. Then you could drink from it. Sisi had built a hut from palm tree leaves, Bamboo sticks, and mud. It was water proof, fire proof, and almost flood proof. Sisi was still working on that. The hut was about as big as a living room, a big living room, and had a chimney, a fence to keep out wild animals, and a room just for Sisi. It had a wooden dresser that Sisi had found down in the junkyard, about half a mile from here, a king sized bed, which Sisi also found in the junkyard. Today, Sisi was busy roasting a chicken that had sadly wandered into her gullutine, which chopped the head cleanly off. Sisi gutted the chicken, and the intestines to fish. She would put them in a plasic bag, which washed up on the land, and keep it cold in the stream. Then Sisi finished roasting the chicken, put  a little bit of hot sauce on it (a homemade version) and licked her lips. This would taste soo good.  Sisi bit into the chicken and fainted. The chicken was that good. After an hour or two, the chicken was gone, even the bone had been eaten. Siri killed some more wild animals and put them in grocery bags to freeze in the river. Then she went to sleep.

 

The next day, Sisi woke up to the sound of birds chirping outside her hut. She used her primitive bow and arrow and shot the birds down. Then she fried them on her skillet, a pot made out of rocks, and eat them for breakfast. Then Sisi plucked out the ziploc bags from the river containing the dead gutted animal meat, and defrosted them inthe sun. Then she made some mud out of clay, water, and dirt, and used it to make her house flood-proof finally. Whilst the mud dried on her hut, Sisi bathed in the cold stream, caught a couple of freshwater crabs, and drank a gallon of filtered water. Then she boiled the crabs, ate a secondary breakfast, and prepared lunch. Sisi then heard the whirring of a robot. She whirled arround, and came face to face with a martian explorere. Sisi screamed, and the robot dove for covered. It turns out, the robot was actually Sisi’s brother coming to visit her wildlife house. He came every week, to both supply supplies and give her a gallon of fresh bottled water, which had no plasticy taste. It could last for months, but Sisi prefered to drink her stream water. It was colder, more delcious, and best of all, came from-nature.

Fati-mal

 

Fati-mal,

Fatima was an animal. She had an eight pack, and could lift up one hundred and fifty pounds with only one hand. But, she was only a month year old. Fati-mal was known for her anger issues. If a person even crossed her path, Fati-mal would scream bloody murder, and lift the person up into the air. Then she would hurl the person across the room, and stomp them to death. Then the police would come, but Fati-mal would scare them away by swinging the dead person around, and then chase the police cars away. Fati-mal would then devour the person she killed, and gain a hundred pounds. She would then work it off at the gym, gobble up a person or two, and go home. Fati-mal would then roast a human head, smother it with mustard and ketchup, and swallow it. Later in the evening, the police would come knocking at her door, but Fati-mal would ignore them until they broke the door down. Then she would smash their heads in with a one-hundred-pound weight, and slice their heads off with her katana, a prize she got for fighting and killing (and shoving down her throat) a master ninja.  Then she would roast the dead bodies of the police, devour them, and then shower. Fati-mal didn’t want any blood on her bed. In the morning, Fati-mal would fry the frozen bodies of the police and drown them in ketchup. Then Fati-mal would savagely dig into the bodies them until there were only bones left. More police backups would come when they realized that cops that had arrived at Fati-mals house were killed by Fatimal, they would arrive at the door and try to surround her house, but Fatimal was too fierce, and would subdue all of them. Fatimal would drag them to her lair and freeze them until she was hungry. Then she would walk downtown with the military trailing behind her. Fatimal would realize that there was a tank following her, and kill everyone, including the tank. Then she would lug her kill all the way back to her house, hang them in her freezers, and walk back downtown. If a person even crossed her path, Fati-mal would scream bloody murder, and lift the person up into the air. Then she would hurl the person across the room, and stomp them to death. Fatimal did this to every human being that crossed her path. There would be a lot of funerals in the week. Cars were on fire, and Fatimal was walking right past them like nothing was happening. Fatimal would be arrested (again) and she would be escorted to jail.

Lil’ Billeh’s Revenge

Ever heard of “Billa the Bum”? Well, Billa had a son named Little Billeh, or Lil’ Billeh for short. Lil’ Billa was the complete opposite of genius, and if he ever needed to add one plus one, he would think it was purple. Lil’ Billa lived in the basement of the Empire State Building. Everyday, Lil’ Billeh would walked out, disguised as a homeless person, which he really was, people would feel sorry for him, and throw him money, and each day, he would earn a couple hundred dollars. Lil’ Billeh had amassed a fortune of just walking down the streets. People were tired of giving money to him, and they needed to get their revenge. But Lil’ Billeh had a lot of leverage. He had threatened to collapse  the Empire State Building, so people stopped mobbing him and gave him more money. Lil’ Billeh was so rich that Bill Gates was like a homeless old hag compared to Lil’ Billeh. Lil’ Billeh had some plumbers install a XXXXXXXtraLLLLLarge Jacuzzi in the basement of the Empire State Building. It was even bigger than an Olympic sized swimming pool. Billeh did laps in his pool, burning blubber and fat like nobodies business. Soon, the pool was filled with just sweat, and when Lil’ Billeh jumped in, sweat flooded the basement. One day, skinny Lil’ Billeh jumped into his pool, only to find that the sweat had been drained by the plumbers, who were tired of sweat flooding the basement of the empire state building. Lil’ Billeh tried to land on his feet, but he splattered against the bottom of the pool, shaking the whole basement of the Empire State Building. Huge tremors cracked the support beams that held up the massive building, and the Empire State Building collapsed, right on top of Lil’ Billeh. Five weeks later, the wreckage of the Empire State Building had been cleared, and his “Man Cave” had been looted of its five billion dollars.  Lil’ Billeh’s wish had come true, to one day destroy the Empire State Building, but his wish had taken his life with it.

Night of the Ninjas

Loto was trapped. He had mindlessly been wandering around in the Master’s Garden when the trapdoor opened up from beneath him. Loto had fell forty feet before he even realized to get out his rope. He unslung it from his backpack, and whirled it around. It flew up to the top of the trapdoor, and got caught in a palm trees roots. But the force of Loto’s weight snapped the thick rope in half. He fell the rest of the five feet and hit the ground, rolling out of the fall, not even breaking a single bone. He got up, and looked up at the trapdoor which was still swinging around. A fall like that could kill someone. Luckily, it hadn’t killed Loto, Loto shouted up for help, but it was the middle of the night, and everyone was asleep in the dormitories. Luckily, Loto always carried about a backpack full off crackers and beef jerky and water in situations like these. Lots pulled out a blanket, laid it out on the mossy, cold stone floor, and fell asleep. The next morning, Loto groggily got up from his makeshift bed, rolled it up, and ate ten crackers, and a strip of beef jerky. Then he realized that the wooden door in the corner of the well was open! Loto quckily ate the rest of his beef jerky, and slung the backpack over his back. He still had his bamboo training sword, so still you could put it over two bricks, jump on it, and it wouldn’t even bend down. Loto pulled out a ziplock bag filled with real ninja throwing stars. His only real weapon. He walked through the door, to find himself in an even darker chamber. It smelled rotten and musty. Suddenly, gas started pouring in from tiny holes in the wall.  Loto put his emergency gas mask on. (Loto never took chances) Immediately the air turned to a sweet smell, and Loto grinned. No one could outsmart him! Then, a cage fell from the roof, and entangled him in its rope walls. The gas mask fell off of his face, and he breathed in the gas. Loto slumped over, the death gas killing him. Other ninja could outsmart him after all. The other ninjas at the training camp probably wouldn’t even care.

THE END

Attack of the Savage Siri

Siri was mad. Her loyal servants had betrayed her, hacking into her band account and taking all of her money from her savings account, which was exactly five dollars and fifty-six cents. At least it wasn’t a million. Siri just happened to be in a “We Rent Assassins” store. She was trying to rent some assassins to murder her servants, since they went evil. “Kevin Bobby Root” Siri scrawled in nasty hand-writing in the box that you put the name of your victims inside. In the next page, she wrote the name of her doctor, her librarian, and her other servant, Retell Doat Evans. She gave the stapled together pages to Nobby, an assassin that had murdered about fifty people. “When will they be assassinated?” she asked. Nobby answered. “Oh, they won’t be murdered, you have to pay first,” Siri’s eyes popped out. Almost literally. Her head turned red. “YOU WILL MURDER THEM NOW OR NEVER!” she screamed, breaking glass windows and doors. Nobby didn’t even look afraid. “I’m afraid I’ll have to choose never,” Siri’s forehead turned deep purple. She looked like an eggplant about to burst. She jumped on the counter, unsheathed her fearsome five-inch-long nails, sharpened sharper than a pencil, and stabbed them into Nobby, who screamed like a bag of cats getting sacked with a baseball bat. Siri yanked out her nails from Nobby’s thigh, and blood spurted all over the floor. Security was alerted, but Siri just stabbed her nails into them again and again, until some guards were completely still. Should’ve put a PG-13 warning on here >:D. Siri was completely savage now, like a  cornered jungle animal. She escaped from the store crawling like a crab, stabbing anyone who laughed at her blood stained teeth, and her long nails encrusted with blood. Siri crawled back to her house, but found it in flames. Kevin Bobby Root had probably did the deed himself. Siri howled in outrage, and leaped into the flames, which didn’t even burn her clothes. Even the flames were frightened of Siri. Siri spotted Kevin with a flame thrower burning her laundry, and she sped toward him, and pierced his stomach with her nails, and bit his fingers off, literally. Kevin died a horrid death. And Siri was happy.

Emperor Sasha visits Canada | Winter Edition

Emperor Sasha was back to business. Ever since she had gotten “adopted” by humans in America, Sasha never wanted to go there again. Just thinking about it sent shivers through her spine. Luckily, when Sasha had crash-landed, her butlers and servants had immediately tracked her flying car to the U.S.A, and followed her. They rescued her just as the human was about to feed her cat food, something that was forbidden by the Council of the Cats, a group of potbellied felines that did nothing all day but make rules. Now Sasha was trying to find her way back to Cat Country. But she was headed the wrong direction. Sasha was flying over Canada when suddenly, one of her engines went out. Her escort couldn’t even see as Sasha disappeared into thick, wet, cold cloud. Sasha groaned. A snowy city came into view, Sasha looked at her still-working GPS. It was flashing a light over a city named ‘Toronto” which was supposedly the “biggest city in Canada”. At least that’s was the GPS said. Maybe it was lying. Sasha grudgingly pulled pressed the parachute button, but instead of a parachute, a grand piano appeared! Sasha yelled and screamed as she plummeted to the ground. Seconds from hitting the ground, the cord connecting her to the “parachute” was cut, and Sasha landed in the five foot deep snow.

Sasha sunk about three feet into the snow before she stopped. Sasha crawled back up to the surface, and just then, the grand piano hit the brick road, making a huge explosion sound, and piano keys and strings flew everywhere. Foot traffic moved away from the wreck of piano, and a police officer sped to the piano scene. Then Sasha’s flying car landed right on top of the officer, knocking him out cold, and scaring everyone away from the road. “Aliens are invading!” screamed one homeless person. The crowd gasped, and screamed, running away. Sasha mourned the loss of her beloved flying car. It had served her well. People started calling 911, and screaming “Aliens are invading!” It was a full-scale ruckus. Just then, another flying car dropped out of the sky was smashed a car flat! Meow Meow crawled out of the flying car, covered in water and snow. People screamed and yelled even more, and fled. Meow Meow hobbled over to Sasha, and said, “Well, now we are here stranded for good,” Sasha moaned. Her crown was gone, now she was stranded in Canada? What else wrong could happen? Suddenly, a huge UFO hovered above a crossing bridge, with its blinking lights. Meow Meow and Sasha both gasped in fright, and hobbled away from the road. Sasha looked back, and saw that aliens were crawling out of the Flying Object! It was the rest of her cat gang! Sasha cried in glee, and ran back to the UFO, hugging everyone and padding inside. Meow Meow crawled in, and immediately, the UFO rose in the air, and sped off toward Cat Country.

The-End

Emperor Sasha visits America

Emperor Sasha was bored. She had nothing to do, all because M&M had accidentally thrown away her phone, thinking it was a piece of garbage. Sasha jumped out of her throne and into her air-car. She pressed the “NITRO” button and pressed the gas pedal. The car shot forward, and Sasha was pressed into her seat so hard that her ribs almost cracked. The car sped out of Cat Country and into North America. Suddenly, the car jerked and bucked like a wild horse. The gas had ran out! No wonder! It had traveled halfway across the earth. Sasha press the eject button, and the seat sprung into the air. Sasha screamed in excitment and she hurdled toward the ground. She pulled the parachute trigger, and the seat fell off, a parachute taking its place. Out of the clouds, a small neighborhood came into view. She was about to make a hole in a house’s roof! Sasha jumped out of the parachute, which wasn’t working, and landed like a feather of the street. She was hungry, and had no place to go. She was stranded. In the U.S.A. Sasha adjusted her crown on her head, and walked into the nearest house, the one she had almost made a hole in. Luckily, there was a cat door installed in the regular door, or Sasha would have had to kick it down, costing the owners of the house. She walked through the door, and immediately strutted to the kitchen, as if she owned the whole house. In the kitchen, she jumped on top of the counter, and spotted a bowl of raw chicken! All for her. Sasha ran to the bowl, and sniffed. Yuck! It smelled like vinegar. That’s probably what it was soaking in. Sasha opened the fridge, and pulled out her favorite food, cornbread. She smeared butter on it, and chomped down. Mmmmm. Suddenly, the ground shook and an actual human being stomped into the kitchen! Human beings were considered a fatal threat to Felines, and that’s why Sasha had founded a colony in a separate country from them. The human looked at Sasha eating the cornbread, and the butter spilled all over the floor with the fridge door open, and cooed like a dove. It scooped up Sasha, and threw the crown in the trash. Sasha gasped, and tried to grab it, but it was too late. Her crown was gone, all thanks to a human. The human fed her cat food, and she was spoiled like a cat. She lived there the rest of her live.

Emperor Sasha vs. Processed Cat Food

Emperor Sasha a lived through the last story, Emperor Sasha vs. Virtual Reality, but she hadn’t learned her lesson. “Curiosity killed the cat” they say. Sasha had ordered the halt of the production of Virtual Reality game, but even Sasha loved to play them all day. One day, Emperor Sasha had a dream that Hungry Catz, a company that sold cat food, was adding a chemical that made the cat-food grow and steam. Suddenly, a kibble the size of a penny grew to the size of a can of cat food! That had to be illegal, Sasha thought. She woke up, showered, and slipped on her golden robe. Then she jumped into her flying car, which could only lift cats, because they weighted so little, and sped off toward the cat food factory. She parked on the roof, where nobody could see her, switched to a jumpsuit which blended into her surroundings, and jumped into a vent that was billowing cold steam. She got out her phone and started recording the whole way to the processing department, where they supposedly “inserted healthy nutrients into the cat-food”. Sasha jumped down onto a conveyer belt, and didn’t even flinch as a cat worker dropped a can of cat-food on her toes. They didn’t even know that Sasha was there! She recorded as factory workers stuck a needle into a cat food, and pressed the plunger. It immediately started growing. Sasha continued to record evidence, then climbed back in her flying cat and flew back to her palace. She sued the company, and made her own called “Sasha Cat Foods”, and it was ALL organic.

The Rise of the Evil Primates.

Fifty years ago, in the country of Greenland, in a freezing cold cave, there lived a clan of apes, about twenty years old. They were huddled around a flickering fire, but it was too cold to go outside to fetch dry wood. But luckily, there was a whole pile of logs in the corner of the cold cave. The fire was barely giving the primates warmth, but it was better than nothing. One of the apes, Kiara, which translated from “Apish” to English meant “The Obese Liar” was the biggest of the bunch. She, or it, was also the dumbest. If you asked Kiara (Say it with disgust) what was one plus five, she was grunt “Cat”. The Kiara’s brain was about as small as a midget of an acorn, which was about as small as a period:

Brain of the Kiara—–> -.

Anyways, when the snow-storm ended, they had been barricaded  in by about fifty feet of snow. The Kiara hurled herself at the pile of snow, and was instantly frozen. Mr. Parish, which mean “Protector of Driveways” in english lit a stick with the fire, and melted Kiara with the fire. Then he melted the snow that was barricading the entrance of the cave. A freezing cold wind blew into the cave, extinguishing the fire and freezing the other fifteen primate apes. Kiara and Mr. Parish walk out into the negative five hundred degree weather. Somehow, they survive long enough to walk to the nearest town, run by real human beings. They let the Apes lives there, until they kill everyone, the apes did, and ruled the town.

The End.