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Harry Potter goes to New York (Part One)

Harry Potter packed his suitcase, stuffing coke after mountain dew and butcher knife after axe. He didn’t know about airport security. You could almost feel sorry for him. Harry couldn’t fit his clothes in the suitcase, since the soft drinks and sharp blades took up most of the space. Harry then walked outside, where a black taxi cab was waiting. He piled in, and let the poor taxi cab driver carry his one ton suitcase to the back trunk.

After Harry got to the airport, he had to go through security. The alarm bells had rang so badly that Harry’s eardrums had burst. “Can you come with me, maam,” asked a security guard.

About three hours later, Harry was allowed out of the interrogation room, and he boarded his airplane. All his knifes and sodas and sharp blades had been taken away. All he had in his suitcase was his wallet, with 52,251 dollars(which he had stolen from the bank) and a teddy bear, with a hole that harry had chewed through its tummy. Harry ordered carbonated water, with ‘light’ ice, and a cherry on top.

The airplane took off, and no flight attendants got Harry’s anger bubbling. He had been going to a anger management class downtown, and it had been going very well, and five hours later, the learjet landed, and Harry jumped out the window, forgetting his suitcase, and leaving the flight attendants rich with the 52,251 Harry had left in the suitcase.

Harry was in New York!

THEND

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Harry Potter plays “soccer”

Harry Potter stood by the sidelines of the soccer game. Not football, soccer. (Harry Potter lives in America now). He booed when his team score a point against the opponent, The Seekers, for no apparent reason. “My team is horrible!” Harry thought. “Well, I must get involved in this “soccer” game”

Harry jumped off the bleachers, and ran out onto the soccer field. Just then, The Seeker goalie punted the soccer ball, and it came flying toward Harry. BAM

Harry flew back, and hit his head on the bleachers, almost cracking his head open like a coconut. Harry had been hit right in the forehead by the ball. Harry’s anger bubbled up like potion in his cauldron when he had forgotten to add Harry Hair. Harry ripped off his shirt, exposing his dropping arm muscles, and where his abs should have been, there were indented, like negative abs. If that’s possible. Harry leaped onto the soccer field once more, grabbed the soccer ball that had hit him in the head, and kicked it as hard as he could into the sky. The ball whizzed up, higher and higher, and then it started to fall. It was headed right toward him! Harry tried to run, but then it suddenly smacked him in the back, and Harry flopped onto the ground, grunting. He jumped up, and kicked the ball as hard as he could into the nearest goal, which turned out to be his team’s goal.

The Seekers won.

Harry tried to run, but his teammates trampled him, and harry died.

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Inky the Hobo Cat

The top of the tower loomed high in her sights, but it looked even higher, because Inky was a cat. A Hobo Cat. Her black fur glistened in the sun, making Inky sweat. The judges sat on the other side of the tower, either texting, or doing whatever cats did when they were bored.

The timer started, and Inky lined up to race. The three other cats that Inky was going to beat, growled and boasted. Inky was the smallest of the four, but she was fast and light. Mocola, the first judge, blew the whistle, and Inky raced off. The three other cats were left behind in the dust. Inky scaled the tower, inch by inch, and bucket of sweat by bucket of sweat. To the cats down behind, it was raining.. Sweat. Cat sweat. Hobo Cat sweat. Mostly Hobo Cat sweat.

Inky yowled in frustration as she slipped on her own Hobo Cat sweat, but caught hold of a metal bar with one claw, and continued climbing. The contestants were way below her, but Inky didn’t even take a break. She just kept climbing. Like a cat. Like a Hobo Cat.

Finally, a couple dozen buckets of sweat later, Inky reached the top of the tower. There was waiting the prize that she had won, fair and cat. Inky grabbed it, and threw it off of the tower. The solid gold trophy hit the concrete sidewalk, and smashed like a watermelon thrown off the empire state building. Inky laughed.

Comedy, Harry Potter, Humor, Nonsense Stories, Parody, Violence, Writing Practice

Harry Potter goes swimming

Harry Potter gazed at the YMCA, not sure whether to exercise in the pool, or Imperio some Muggles to steal him a Ferrari. pexels-photo.jpg

Harry made up his mind quickly, and jogged into the Y. He ran past the reception desk, without paying for a membership, and ran smack into a old lady walking a cat on a leash. The old lady snarled like a tiger, and sicced the pet cat on Harry, who screamed and yelled, running away with cat scratches and bites all over him. Harry could’ve easily killed the old Muggle lady, but it would be to much of a mess. And he didn’t want to end up like Voldemort. Harry opened the door to the pool, and dived right in without taking off his clothes. Then Harry suddenly remembered. He didn’t know how to swim! Harry thrashed around like a fish out of water, until the lifeguard, who was busy texting on her phone, finally realized that Harry was drowning. “Help me, you idiotic Muggle girl!” Harry shrieked. The girl dove into the water, and threw Harry a swimming noodle, which Harry promptly swallowed whole. It kept him afloat though, and Harry was able to swim to the side of the pool and get out, taking off his clothes, The lifeguard walked back to the highchair, muttering under her breath, and Harry jumped back into the pool, the swimming noodle in his stomach keeping Harry afloat. Harry tried to dive underwater, but it was no use. Just then, the receptionist, followed by the old lady that Harry had knocked over, burst into the pool room. The old lady hollered like those mountain people trying to knock over snow, and jumped into the pool. “You remember me, Harry Potter?” The “old” lady took off her mask, and revealed Voldemort face! Harry gulped as Voldemort took off the disguise. “I’m tired of you Potter running away like a coward each time I come for you,” Voldemort explained. Harry took out his wand, and stuck it into Voldemort’s eye, and a slimy black eyeball popped out, sinking to the bottom of the pool. Voldemort screamed in agony, and lunged at Harry, but Harry was ready, and used his wand to Imperio Voldemort. Volemort started to dance around, doing the chicken dance and making rooster noises. Harry laughed, and then pointed his wand at Voldemort, said “Avada Kedavra” and killed You-Know-You. Then Harry went to jail.

Comedy, Harry Potter, Humor, Nonsense Stories, Parody, Violence, Writing Practice

Potter the Criminal

Harry slipped on his ski mask. Steam clouded up his glasses, so he took them off and threw them off into the dark night, where they clattered and scared off a cat. Harry grinned. It was time to rob the bank. Harry groped around on the concrete floor, and grabbed his invisibility coat. At least, that’s what Harry thought it was. Potter had accidentally gotten a blanket! Harry calmly walked into the bank. It was about to close. Harry Potter opened the bank door, and immediately saw a gumball machine. “Gum!” He jumped about. Harry shoved his hand in his pocket, pulling out a penny, a ball of lint, and a toothbrush, but no quarter. “Arg!” Harry shouted, angry at the world, and ran at the gumball machine, and slammed into it at full speed, knocking the breath out of him. But the gumball machine still stood.

Harry groaned, and held his belly. He opened the metal flap, and a single gumball dropped into his hand. Harry giggled with glee, and popped it in his mouth, chewing with gusto. Then Harry walked into the next set of doors, and ran right into a nervous bank teller, who was eating a cold bar of chocolate. “Hello, lady,” Harry said with a deep voice. “Its a ghost! Run for your lives!” The lady shrieked, and bolted out the door, struggling to stay upright, thanks to her high-heel shoes. Harry took out his wand, and carefully walked into the bank vault. A huge metal door stood in Harry’s way. “Curse that metal door!” He shouted. Then Harry raised his wand, and waved it at the door. “Wingardium Leviousus!” He bellowed. The door creaked and groaned, and with a cracking sound, it rose into the air, hovered over Harry’s head, and dropped.

Right on top of Harry.

So much for trying to steal a million dollars. By the way, the bank vault was empty. Another criminal had stolen the money.

lol

Comedy, Harry Potter, Humor, Nonsense Stories, Parody, Violence, Writing Practice

Harry Potter uses an iMac

Harry slumped in the taxi taking him to his new house, far away from Britain. It was snowing outside, so Harry had to wear a huge sweater that weighted fifteen pounds. Harry had moved to Canada, thinking it would be warm and sunny like Hawaii, but he was wrong. Again.

“I’m Hungry, Muggle!” Harry bellowed at the taxi driver. The taxi driver couldn’t even hear him through the plastic barrier. “I said I’M HUNGRY, MUGGLE!!” The Muggle turned around, and stared at him.

“What’s a Muggle?” He asked.

“Your a Muggle, Muggle!” Harry bellowed again, startling several people on the snowy sidewalk. “Whatever,” the taxi driver turned back around and put his earbuds back in his ears. Harry sighed.

Fifteen minutes lateeer

Harry Potter jumped out of the taxi, and when the taxi driver tried to lock the doors, Harry bellowed “Avada Kedavra!” killing the poor taxi driver instantly. The green light faded from Harry’s wand, and he ran inside his house.

As soon as Harry opened the door to his house, a musty smell hit him in the face. It was light breathing in dirty socks and rat droppings. “Blimey, it smells in here!” Harry shouted. A couple of rats scuttled away, deaf from Harry’s shouting.

In the corner of the living room, there stood on a desk, a gleaming black iMac, which was playing its screensaver. Harry gasped. He had never seen anything before, and he fell to the floor.

yellow loop GIF-downsized

Finally, Harry got up from the floor, and walked over to the wooden desk. “A mouse! Eek!” Harry shrieked like a girl, and ran to the front door. He pulled out his phone, and dialed the local exterminator. Five minutes later, there was a knock on the front door, and Harry let in the a man with a bushy mustache, that looked like Mario. Harry led him to the iMac, and the exterminator laughed a big deep laugh, shaking the floor.

“That’s not a real mouse, you idiot! Its the computer mouse! You use it to control the mouse on the screen!” The exterminator showed a frightened Harry how to use the computer. Then he left. Harry sat down in the desk chair, and used the mouse to open a browser. Then he went to youtube.com, and went to this specific address: (My youtube account)

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoyIwqcqkftwtLPI0_08zvQ/

Harry watched a video of some “dank meme’s”. There was this warthog or something called Da Waaa, and a chameleon riding a unicycle. Harry chuckled. How was he so dumb? Harry was suddenly very hungry. He transfigured the keyboard into a tuna submarine, ate that, and transfigured the iMac and mouse into a huge box of french fries. Harry ate that as well. He lived happily every after in his rat infested house.

Airplane, Comedy, Harry Potter, Humor, Nonsense Stories, Parody, Research Essays, Violence, Writing Practice

Harry Potter Rides a Plane (For the 1st time!)

Harry Potter carried his luggage through the airport, bumping into Muggles and yelling at them. One time, he accidentally tripped an old woman, who slapped him across the face. Since his Firebolt had snapped in half, Harry would have to take the airplane.(He was to lazy to Apparate to America. Harry walked up the line to the airplane, and jostled a man who was in the front. “Get out of meh way, Ugly Muggle,” he screamed, jammed his wand into the man’s belly, causing him to double over in pain. Then Harry ran onto the boarding ramp, and into the plane, without even giving the flight attendant his ticket. Harry sighed when he saw the leather seats of first class. This was much better than riding on a rough piece of wood. Harry took his wand out of his pocket, and used it to make his window seat right by the airplane wing huge, bigger than a recliner. Everyone on the plane boarded, but they couldn’t get past Harry’s seat, because it was so big it blocked the aisle. Harry stuck his feet on the seat in front of him, and the man in front bit his feet. Harry screamed, and his wand fell out of his pocket, and transfigured the man into a horse. The plane started to speed up, taking off. The force of the acceleration made Harry’s mouse shake, and drool fell all over the airplane cabin. People screamed as the horse ran around, eating everyone’s seats and food. A flight attendant trying to stop the horse, but the poor Muggle got flattened under the horse’s hooves. “GET ME OUT OF HERE MUGGLES!!!” Harry hollered at the top of his lungs, breaking the airplane windows, and sucking food out of them. Harry himself almost got sucked out, but he grabbed the seat, still screaming, and used his wand to repair the windows. There were only five people left in the airplane, including the pilot, copilot, and two flight attendants. Harry jumped to the front of the airplane, and started rummaging around in the fridge, eating all of the food, and splattering it all over the 2nd flight attendant. Harry burped, patted his stomach, and fell asleep.