Night of the Ninjas

Loto was trapped. He had mindlessly been wandering around in the Master’s Garden when the trapdoor opened up from beneath him. Loto had fell forty feet before he even realized to get out his rope. He unslung it from his backpack, and whirled it around. It flew up to the top of the trapdoor, and got caught in a palm trees roots. But the force of Loto’s weight snapped the thick rope in half. He fell the rest of the five feet and hit the ground, rolling out of the fall, not even breaking a single bone. He got up, and looked up at the trapdoor which was still swinging around. A fall like that could kill someone. Luckily, it hadn’t killed Loto, Loto shouted up for help, but it was the middle of the night, and everyone was asleep in the dormitories. Luckily, Loto always carried about a backpack full off crackers and beef jerky and water in situations like these. Lots pulled out a blanket, laid it out on the mossy, cold stone floor, and fell asleep. The next morning, Loto groggily got up from his makeshift bed, rolled it up, and ate ten crackers, and a strip of beef jerky. Then he realized that the wooden door in the corner of the well was open! Loto quckily ate the rest of his beef jerky, and slung the backpack over his back. He still had his bamboo training sword, so still you could put it over two bricks, jump on it, and it wouldn’t even bend down. Loto pulled out a ziplock bag filled with real ninja throwing stars. His only real weapon. He walked through the door, to find himself in an even darker chamber. It smelled rotten and musty. Suddenly, gas started pouring in from tiny holes in the wall.  Loto put his emergency gas mask on. (Loto never took chances) Immediately the air turned to a sweet smell, and Loto grinned. No one could outsmart him! Then, a cage fell from the roof, and entangled him in its rope walls. The gas mask fell off of his face, and he breathed in the gas. Loto slumped over, the death gas killing him. Other ninja could outsmart him after all. The other ninjas at the training camp probably wouldn’t even care.

THE END

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Attack of the Savage Siri

Siri was mad. Her loyal servants had betrayed her, hacking into her band account and taking all of her money from her savings account, which was exactly five dollars and fifty-six cents. At least it wasn’t a million. Siri just happened to be in a “We Rent Assassins” store. She was trying to rent some assassins to murder her servants, since they went evil. “Kevin Bobby Root” Siri scrawled in nasty hand-writing in the box that you put the name of your victims inside. In the next page, she wrote the name of her doctor, her librarian, and her other servant, Retell Doat Evans. She gave the stapled together pages to Nobby, an assassin that had murdered about fifty people. “When will they be assassinated?” she asked. Nobby answered. “Oh, they won’t be murdered, you have to pay first,” Siri’s eyes popped out. Almost literally. Her head turned red. “YOU WILL MURDER THEM NOW OR NEVER!” she screamed, breaking glass windows and doors. Nobby didn’t even look afraid. “I’m afraid I’ll have to choose never,” Siri’s forehead turned deep purple. She looked like an eggplant about to burst. She jumped on the counter, unsheathed her fearsome five-inch-long nails, sharpened sharper than a pencil, and stabbed them into Nobby, who screamed like a bag of cats getting sacked with a baseball bat. Siri yanked out her nails from Nobby’s thigh, and blood spurted all over the floor. Security was alerted, but Siri just stabbed her nails into them again and again, until some guards were completely still. Should’ve put a PG-13 warning on here >:D. Siri was completely savage now, like a  cornered jungle animal. She escaped from the store crawling like a crab, stabbing anyone who laughed at her blood stained teeth, and her long nails encrusted with blood. Siri crawled back to her house, but found it in flames. Kevin Bobby Root had probably did the deed himself. Siri howled in outrage, and leaped into the flames, which didn’t even burn her clothes. Even the flames were frightened of Siri. Siri spotted Kevin with a flame thrower burning her laundry, and she sped toward him, and pierced his stomach with her nails, and bit his fingers off, literally. Kevin died a horrid death. And Siri was happy.

Emperor Sasha visits Canada | Winter Edition

Emperor Sasha was back to business. Ever since she had gotten “adopted” by humans in America, Sasha never wanted to go there again. Just thinking about it sent shivers through her spine. Luckily, when Sasha had crash-landed, her butlers and servants had immediately tracked her flying car to the U.S.A, and followed her. They rescued her just as the human was about to feed her cat food, something that was forbidden by the Council of the Cats, a group of potbellied felines that did nothing all day but make rules. Now Sasha was trying to find her way back to Cat Country. But she was headed the wrong direction. Sasha was flying over Canada when suddenly, one of her engines went out. Her escort couldn’t even see as Sasha disappeared into thick, wet, cold cloud. Sasha groaned. A snowy city came into view, Sasha looked at her still-working GPS. It was flashing a light over a city named ‘Toronto” which was supposedly the “biggest city in Canada”. At least that’s was the GPS said. Maybe it was lying. Sasha grudgingly pulled pressed the parachute button, but instead of a parachute, a grand piano appeared! Sasha yelled and screamed as she plummeted to the ground. Seconds from hitting the ground, the cord connecting her to the “parachute” was cut, and Sasha landed in the five foot deep snow.

Sasha sunk about three feet into the snow before she stopped. Sasha crawled back up to the surface, and just then, the grand piano hit the brick road, making a huge explosion sound, and piano keys and strings flew everywhere. Foot traffic moved away from the wreck of piano, and a police officer sped to the piano scene. Then Sasha’s flying car landed right on top of the officer, knocking him out cold, and scaring everyone away from the road. “Aliens are invading!” screamed one homeless person. The crowd gasped, and screamed, running away. Sasha mourned the loss of her beloved flying car. It had served her well. People started calling 911, and screaming “Aliens are invading!” It was a full-scale ruckus. Just then, another flying car dropped out of the sky was smashed a car flat! Meow Meow crawled out of the flying car, covered in water and snow. People screamed and yelled even more, and fled. Meow Meow hobbled over to Sasha, and said, “Well, now we are here stranded for good,” Sasha moaned. Her crown was gone, now she was stranded in Canada? What else wrong could happen? Suddenly, a huge UFO hovered above a crossing bridge, with its blinking lights. Meow Meow and Sasha both gasped in fright, and hobbled away from the road. Sasha looked back, and saw that aliens were crawling out of the Flying Object! It was the rest of her cat gang! Sasha cried in glee, and ran back to the UFO, hugging everyone and padding inside. Meow Meow crawled in, and immediately, the UFO rose in the air, and sped off toward Cat Country.

The-End

Emperor Sasha visits America

Emperor Sasha was bored. She had nothing to do, all because M&M had accidentally thrown away her phone, thinking it was a piece of garbage. Sasha jumped out of her throne and into her air-car. She pressed the “NITRO” button and pressed the gas pedal. The car shot forward, and Sasha was pressed into her seat so hard that her ribs almost cracked. The car sped out of Cat Country and into North America. Suddenly, the car jerked and bucked like a wild horse. The gas had ran out! No wonder! It had traveled halfway across the earth. Sasha press the eject button, and the seat sprung into the air. Sasha screamed in excitment and she hurdled toward the ground. She pulled the parachute trigger, and the seat fell off, a parachute taking its place. Out of the clouds, a small neighborhood came into view. She was about to make a hole in a house’s roof! Sasha jumped out of the parachute, which wasn’t working, and landed like a feather of the street. She was hungry, and had no place to go. She was stranded. In the U.S.A. Sasha adjusted her crown on her head, and walked into the nearest house, the one she had almost made a hole in. Luckily, there was a cat door installed in the regular door, or Sasha would have had to kick it down, costing the owners of the house. She walked through the door, and immediately strutted to the kitchen, as if she owned the whole house. In the kitchen, she jumped on top of the counter, and spotted a bowl of raw chicken! All for her. Sasha ran to the bowl, and sniffed. Yuck! It smelled like vinegar. That’s probably what it was soaking in. Sasha opened the fridge, and pulled out her favorite food, cornbread. She smeared butter on it, and chomped down. Mmmmm. Suddenly, the ground shook and an actual human being stomped into the kitchen! Human beings were considered a fatal threat to Felines, and that’s why Sasha had founded a colony in a separate country from them. The human looked at Sasha eating the cornbread, and the butter spilled all over the floor with the fridge door open, and cooed like a dove. It scooped up Sasha, and threw the crown in the trash. Sasha gasped, and tried to grab it, but it was too late. Her crown was gone, all thanks to a human. The human fed her cat food, and she was spoiled like a cat. She lived there the rest of her live.

Emperor Sasha vs. Processed Cat Food

Emperor Sasha a lived through the last story, Emperor Sasha vs. Virtual Reality, but she hadn’t learned her lesson. “Curiosity killed the cat” they say. Sasha had ordered the halt of the production of Virtual Reality game, but even Sasha loved to play them all day. One day, Emperor Sasha had a dream that Hungry Catz, a company that sold cat food, was adding a chemical that made the cat-food grow and steam. Suddenly, a kibble the size of a penny grew to the size of a can of cat food! That had to be illegal, Sasha thought. She woke up, showered, and slipped on her golden robe. Then she jumped into her flying car, which could only lift cats, because they weighted so little, and sped off toward the cat food factory. She parked on the roof, where nobody could see her, switched to a jumpsuit which blended into her surroundings, and jumped into a vent that was billowing cold steam. She got out her phone and started recording the whole way to the processing department, where they supposedly “inserted healthy nutrients into the cat-food”. Sasha jumped down onto a conveyer belt, and didn’t even flinch as a cat worker dropped a can of cat-food on her toes. They didn’t even know that Sasha was there! She recorded as factory workers stuck a needle into a cat food, and pressed the plunger. It immediately started growing. Sasha continued to record evidence, then climbed back in her flying cat and flew back to her palace. She sued the company, and made her own called “Sasha Cat Foods”, and it was ALL organic.

The Rise of the Evil Primates.

Fifty years ago, in the country of Greenland, in a freezing cold cave, there lived a clan of apes, about twenty years old. They were huddled around a flickering fire, but it was too cold to go outside to fetch dry wood. But luckily, there was a whole pile of logs in the corner of the cold cave. The fire was barely giving the primates warmth, but it was better than nothing. One of the apes, Kiara, which translated from “Apish” to English meant “The Obese Liar” was the biggest of the bunch. She, or it, was also the dumbest. If you asked Kiara (Say it with disgust) what was one plus five, she was grunt “Cat”. The Kiara’s brain was about as small as a midget of an acorn, which was about as small as a period:

Brain of the Kiara—–> -.

Anyways, when the snow-storm ended, they had been barricaded  in by about fifty feet of snow. The Kiara hurled herself at the pile of snow, and was instantly frozen. Mr. Parish, which mean “Protector of Driveways” in english lit a stick with the fire, and melted Kiara with the fire. Then he melted the snow that was barricading the entrance of the cave. A freezing cold wind blew into the cave, extinguishing the fire and freezing the other fifteen primate apes. Kiara and Mr. Parish walk out into the negative five hundred degree weather. Somehow, they survive long enough to walk to the nearest town, run by real human beings. They let the Apes lives there, until they kill everyone, the apes did, and ruled the town.

The End.

Emperor Sasha + Virtual Reality

There once lived a cat named Sasha. But she wasn’t just a regular house-cat that sits around doing nothing but eating and sleeping. She was the Emperor of Kitty-land! Yes, Kitty land is a state, but by human beings, its called Alaska. From space, it almost looks like a cat-treat! Emperor Sasha woke up from her night’s sleep, hungry and thirsty. She snapped her paws, if cats can even do that, and instantly her loyal servants, Meow Meow (Sasha called Meow Meow M&M) and Knickers strutted into the room, carrying a platter of fresh cardinal soup, scrambled frog eggs, and mice crackers. Sasha divided the food amongst herself, M&M, and Knickers, and they ate in silence. Sasha finished off the last spoonful of her soup and gave the rest of the mice crackers to Knickers, a heavy eater. Then Sasha showered up, calling the Clumber (Cat + Plumber) because she had clogged the drain with cat hair. Then she got dressed in her majesties royal clothes and rose to her throne. But she had nothing to do because the library was closed, so she couldn’t read a book. She whipped out her phone from her ear, because cats in Kitty land stored their phones in their ear, a very unlikely place that muggers and criminals would look for valuables. She texted her friend Kita, and then played “Kitty Run”, a game made by i-Pawd, a famous game developer. It was a game where you put on those virtual reality goggles and had to collect coins like Pokemon. Something hard bumped against Sasha. Or the opposite way around. She took of her goggles and stared the trapdoor that she had just stepped on. The trap-door fell open and Sasha screamed as she fell into a trap filled with snakes and spiders.

Conclusion:

Never EVER play Pokemon Go or any virtual reality game, or you will end up like Sasha, who is now a head of bones and blood. But then in the end, since cats have nine lives, Sasha’s body got reformed and she lived again, never to play Pokemon Go or any other games.

Imih de Bum

There once lived a little girl named Imih. She was a beast. Everyday, she would wake up on her mattress and then scream for the iPad so she could play on star fall.com, a website for one month year olds. Imih could make grown men cry for their “Mommas”. Then without even brushing her teeth with her “Brute-brush” she would hop downstairs and order a full-course-meal from her parents, which she called “Brute1” and “Brute2”. Imih would then jump on the table, do the moonwalk, then glue herself to the ceiling,where she would hang their under Brute1 or Brute2 unglued her. Then she would   stuff her mouth with food, storing food in her checks so much that a chipmunk would be jealous. Then Imih would play the Doggie Song, and scream along with it, alerting the Police Department. Then Brute1 and Brute2 would have to explain to the officer that her daughter had gotten “Out of control” They would arrest Imih the Bum and put her in a jail cell in prison. Her cell-mate, an axe-murderer would then try to kill her, but Imih would flatten his head with her concrete case iPad, and kill him, and then she would do the same to the guards, kill everyone in prison, and escape, without even a scratch. Then she would hop out of her cell and back home, where her parents were waiting for her. Then she would get a timeout for approximately ten seconds, (That’s how spoiled she was) and then go back to making trouble. Thats a common day for Imih de Bum.

Yllus the Cruel

In an alternate universe parallel to the Milky Way, there lived a King named Yllus the cruel. He ruled the planet Htrae, Earth backwards. it was identical to earth, except that everything there was backwards. If you were mean on Earth, you were nice and kind on Htrae. If you hated cats and ponies on Htrae, you loved them on Earth. Yllus the cruel on Htrae was actually very awesome and nice, but his real name was Sully, and instead of being poor and needy on Htrae, he was actually rich and powerful on Earth. People on Htrae spoke the language dackwarbs, which was English, but everything was backwards.  If you needed to get from Africa to America, you would walk instead of ride an airplane. Instead of smart, people were dumb as dirt. Yllus the cruel wanted to be rich and powerful, just like this opposite on Earth, but he was forever poor. Yllus the Cruel lived in a homeless shelter, unlike his Earth opposite, who lived in a mansion with fifty bedrooms. Yllus the Cruel woke up. “Hungry I am!” he moaned. He limped to the door, which was upside down, and jumped to reach the spike which you used to open it. His hand got impaled in the sharp object, and he screamed.

 

The End

Homey’s vs. Hoodlums

In the dark, wet city of Matenhym, there lived a gang of Homey’s named the “Aiedle”. Only fifteen Homey’s joined the gang, because the other thirty were to scared to join. The member had to cut off one of their fingers and eat it, with hot sauce. The bones would then be taped to the member’s head.

In the shiny dry city of Hoodlumville, a city named by the gang the “Hoodlums”. They were kind and nice, cleaning up after dogs, and helping old ladies cross the street. They also volunteered for trash duty, where they had to jump on a garbage truck and dump trash into a garbage truck. Their worst enemy was the “Aiedle” gang, because they lived in trash cans, inhabited by raccoons and other weird animals.

One day the Hoodlums will meet the Aidle gang in battle, and start killing each other for dominance of the world. Which one will win? Post your thoughts in the comments!